EVERY-BODY'S Buſineſs, IS NO-BODY'S Buſineſs.

THIS is a Proverb ſo common in Every-body's Mouth, that I wonder No-body has yet thought it worth while to draw proper In⯑ferences from it, and expoſe thoſe little Abuſes, which, tho' they ſeem trifling, and as it were ſcarce worth Conſidera⯑tion, yet by Inſenſible Degrees, they may become of injurious Conſequence to the Pub⯑lick; like ſome Diſeaſes, whoſe firſt Symptoms are only trifling Diſorders, yet by Continu⯑ance and Progreſſion, their laſt Periods ter⯑minate in the Deſtruction of the whole Hu⯑mane Fabrick.

In Contradiction therefore to this general Rule, and out of ſincere Love and Well-meaning to the Publick, give me leave to enumerate [4] the Abuſes inſenſibly crept in among us, and the Inconveniences daily ariſing from the In⯑ſolence and Intrigues of our Servant Wenches, who, by their caballing together, have made their Party ſo conſiderable, that Every-body cries out againſt 'em; and yet, to verify the Proverb, No-body has thought of, or at leaſt propoſed a Remedy, altho' ſuch an Under⯑taking (mean as it ſeems to be) I hope will one Day be thought worthy the Conſidera⯑tion of our King, Lords, and Commons.

Women Servants are now ſo ſcarce, that from 30 and 40 Shillings a Year, their Wa⯑ges are increaſed of late to 6, 7, and 8 Pounds per Annum, and upwards; inſomuch, that an ordinary Tradeſman cannot well keep one; but his Wife, who might be uſeful in his Shop, or Buſineſs, muſt do the Drudgery of Houſhold Affairs: and all this, becauſe our Servant Wenches are ſo puff'd up with Pride, now a Days, that they never think they go fine enough: It is a hard Matter to know the Miſtreſs from the Maid by their Dreſs, nay very often the Maid ſhall be much the finer of the two. Our Woollen Manufacture ſuffers much by this, for now, nothing but Silks and Sattins will go down with our Kitchen Wenches, and it is to ſupport this intollerable Pride, that they have inſenſibly raiſed their Wages to ſuch a Heighth, as was never known in any Age or Nation but this.

[5] Let us trace this from the beginning, and ſuppoſe a Perſon has a Servant Maid ſent him out of the Country at 50 Shillings, or 3 Pounds a Year. The Girl has ſcarce been a Week, nay, a Day in her Service, but a Committee of Servant Wenches are appoint⯑ed to examine her, who adviſe her to raiſe her Wages, or give warning; to encourage her to which, the Herb-Woman or Chandler-Woman, or ſome other old Intelligencer, pro⯑vides her a Place of 4 or 5 Pounds a Year; this ſets Madam cock-a-hoop, and ſhe thinks of nothing now but Vails and high Wages, and ſo gives warning from Place to Place, 'till ſhe has got her Wages up to the tip-top.

Her Neat's Leathern Shoes are now transform'd into lac'd Shoes with high Heels; her Yarn Stockings are turn'd into fine Worſted ones, with ſilk Clocks; and her high Wooden Pat⯑tens are kickt away for Leathern Clogs; ſhe muſt have a Hoop too, as well as her Miſtreſs; and her poor ſcanty Linſey-Woolſey Petticoat is changed into a good Silk one, 4 or 5 Yards wide at the leaſt: Not to carry the Deſcrip⯑tion farther, in ſhort, plain Country-Joan is now turn'd into a fine London-Madam, can drink Tea, take Snuff, and carry her ſelf as high as the beſt.

If ſhe is tollerably handſome, and has any ſhare of Cunning, the Apprentice or her Maſter's Son is entic'd away and ruin'd [6] by her. Thus many good Families are impove⯑riſhed and diſgrac'd by theſe Pert Sluts, who, taking the Advantage of a Young Man's Sim⯑plicity and unruly Deſires, draw many heed⯑leſs Youths, nay, ſome of good Eſtates into their Snares; and of this we have but too many Inſtances.

Some more artful ſhall conceal their Condition, and palm themſelves on Young Fellows for Gentlewomen, and great For⯑tunes; How many Families have been ruin'd by theſe Ladies? When the Father or Maſter of the Family, preferring the flirt⯑ing Airs of a young wanton prinkt up Strum⯑pet, to the artleſs ſincerity of a plain, grave, and good Wife, has given his Deſires a-looſe, and deſtroy'd Soul, Body, Family and Eſtate. But they are very favourable if they wheedle No-body into Matrimony, but only make a Pre⯑ſent of a ſmall live Creature, no bigger than a Baſtard to ſome of the Family, no matter who gets it; when a Child is born it muſt be kept.

Our Seſſions Papers of late are crowded with Inſtances of Servant Maids robbing their Places, this can be only attributed to their deviliſh Pride; for their whole Enquiry now a Days, is how little they ſhall do, how much they ſhall have.

But all this while they make ſo little re⯑ſerve, that if they fall ſick the Pariſh muſt [7] keep 'em, if they are out of Place, they muſt proſtitute their Bodies, or ſtarve, ſo that from chopping and changing, they generally pro⯑ceed to whoring and thieving, and this is the Reaſon why our Streets ſwarm with Strum⯑pets.

Thus many of 'em rove from Place to Place, from Bawdy-Houſe to Service, and from Ser⯑vice to Bawdy-Houſe again, ever unſettled, and never eaſy, nothing being more common than to find theſe Creatures one Week in a good Family, and the next in a Brothel: This Amphibious Life makes 'em fit for nei⯑ther, for if the Bawd uſes them ill, away they trip to Service, and if their Miſtreſs gives 'em a wry Word, whip they're at a Bawdy-Houſe again, ſo that in Effect they neither make good Whores or good Ser⯑vants.

Thoſe who are not thus ſlippery in the Tail, are light of Finger, and of theſe the moſt pernicious, are thoſe who beggar you Inch-meal. If a Maid is a downright Thief, ſhe ſtrips you at once, and you know your Loſs; but your retail Pilferers waſte you inſenſibly, and tho' you hardly miſs it, yet your Subſtance ſhall decay to ſuch a de⯑gree, that you muſt have a very good Bottom indeed, not to feel the ill Effects of ſuch Moths in your Family.

[8] Tea, Sugar, Wine, &c. or any ſuch trifling Commodities are reckoned no Thefts, if they do not directly take your Pewter from your Shelf, or your Linnen from your Draw⯑ers, they are very Honeſt: What harm is there, ſay they, in cribbing a little Matter for a Junket, or a merry Bout or ſo? Nay, there are thoſe that when they are ſent to Market for one Joint of Meat, ſhall take up two on their Maſter's Account, and leave one by the Way, for ſome of theſe Maids are very cha⯑ritable, and can make a ſhift to maintain a ſmall Family with what they can Purloin from their Maſters and Miſtreſſes.

If you ſend 'em with ready Money they turn Factors, and take 3d. or 4d. in the Shil⯑ling Brokeridge. And here let me take Notice of one very heinous Abuſe, not to ſay petty Felony, which is practiced in moſt of the great Families about Town, and that is, when the Tradeſmen gives the Houſe-keeper, or other commanding Servant, a Penny or two Pence in the Shilling, or ſo much in the Pound, for every Thing they ſend in, which from thence is called Poundage.

This, in my Opinion, is the greateſt of Villanies, and ought to incur ſome Puniſh⯑ment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping Tradeſmen, who ſeem otherwiſe to ſtand mightily on their Credit, make this but a Matter of Courſe and Cuſtom. [9] If I don't, ſays one, another will, (for the Servant is ſure to pick a Hole in the Per⯑ſons Coat, who ſhall not pay Contribu⯑tion:) Thus this wicked Practice is carried on and wink'd at, while receiving of ſtolen Goods, and confederating with Felons, which is not a jot worſe, is ſo openly cry'd out againſt, and ſo ſeverely puniſh'd.

And yet if a Maſter or Miſtreſs enquire after any Thing miſſing, they muſt be ſure to place their Words in due Form, or Madam huffs and flings about at a ſtrange Rate, What would you make a Thief of her? Who would live with ſuch miſtruſt⯑ful Folks? Thus you are obliged to hold your Tongue, and ſit down quietly by your loſs, for fear of offending your Maid, for⯑ſooth.

Again, if your Maid ſhall maintain one, two, or more Perſons from your Table, whe⯑ther they are her poor Relations, Coun⯑try Folk, or Servants out of Place, or whe⯑ther they are Shoe-cleaners, Chare-women, Porters, or any other of her menial Servants who do her Ladyſhips Drudgery, and go of her Errands, you muſt not grumble or complain at your Expence, or ask, What is become of ſuch a Thing, or ſuch a Thing? altho' it might never ſo reaſonably be ſuppoſed, that it was altogether impoſſible to have ſo much expen⯑ded in your Family; but hold your Tongue [10] for Peace ſake, or Madam will ſay, You grudge her Victuals, and expoſe you to the laſt De⯑gree all over the Neighbourhood.

Thus have they a Salve for every Sore, cheat you to your Face, and inſult you into the Bar⯑gain; nor can you help your ſelf without ex⯑poſing yourſelf, or putting yourſelf into a Paſ⯑ſion.

Another great Abuſe crept in among us, is the giving of Vails, to Servants; this was intended originally as an Incouragement to willing and handy Servants, but by Cuſtom and Corruption it is now grown to be a Thorn in our Sides, and, like other good Things, abuſed, does more hurt than good; for now they make it a Perquiſite, a material Part of their Wages; nor muſt their Maſter give a Supper, but the Maid expects the Gueſts ſhould pay for it, nay, ſometimes through the Noſe. Thus have they ſpirited People up to this unneceſſary and burthenſome Piece of Generoſity, unknown to our Fore-Fathers, who only gave Gifts to Servants at Chriſtmaſs-tide, which Cuſtom is yet kept up into the Bargain, inſomuch, that a Maid ſhall have 8 Pounds per Annum, in a Gentleman's or Merchant's Family: And if her Maſter is a Man of a free Spirit, and receives much Company, ſhe very often doubles her Wages by her Vails; thus having Meat, Drink, Waſhing, and Lodging for her La⯑bour, [11] ſhe throws her whole Income upon her Back, and by this Means looks more like the Miſtreſs of the Family, than the Servant-Wench.

And now we have mention'd waſhing, I would ask ſome good Houſe-wifely Gentlewo⯑men, If Servant-Maids wearing printed Lin⯑nens, Cottons, and other Things of that Na⯑ture, which require frequent waſhing, do not, by enhauncing the Article of Soap, add more to Houſe-keeping, than the Generality of People would imagine? And yet theſe Wenches cry out againſt great Waſhes, when their own unneceſſary Dabs are very often the Occa⯑ſion.

But the greateſt Abuſe of all, is, that theſe Creatures are become their own Law⯑givers; nay, I think they are ours too, tho' No-body would imagine that ſuch a Set of Slatterns ſhould bamboozle a whole Nation: But it is neither better or worſe, they hire themſelves to you by their own Rule.

That is, a Month's Wages, or a Month's Warning; if they don't like you they will go away the next Day, help yourſelf how you can; if you don't like them, you muſt give them a Month's Wages to get rid of them.

This Cuſtom of Warning, as practis'd by our Maid-Servants, is now become a great Inconvenience to Maſters and Miſtreſſes. You [12] muſt carry your Diſh very upright, or Miſs, forſooth, gives you Warning, and you are either left deſtitute, or to ſeek for a Servant: So that generally ſpeaking, you are ſeldom or never fix'd, but always at the Mercy of every new Servant to divulge your Fami⯑ly-Affairs, to inſpect your private Life, and treaſure up the Sayings of yourſelf and Friends. A very great Confinement, and much complain'd of in moſt Families.

Thus have theſe Wenches, by their con⯑tinual Plotting and Cabals, united themſelves into a formidable Body, and got the Whip-Hand of their Betters; they make their own Terms with us; and two Servants now, will ſcarce undertake the Work which one might perform with Eaſe, yet notwithſtanding they have rais'd their Wages to a moſt exorbitant Pitch; and, I doubt not, if there be not a Stop put to their Career, but they will bring Wages up to twenty Pounds per Annum in time, for they are much about half Way already.

'Tis by theſe Means they run away with a great Part of our Money, which might be better employ'd in Trade; and what is worſe, by their inſolent Behaviour, their Pride in Dreſs, and their exorbitant Wages, they give Birth to the following Inconveniences.

Firſt, They ſet an ill Example to our Chil⯑dren, our Apprentices, our Covenant-Servants, and other Dependants, by their ſaucy and [13] inſolent Behaviour, their pert, and ſometimes abuſive, Anſwers, their daring Defiance of Correction, and many other Inſolencies which Youth are but too apt to imitate.

2dly, By their Extravagance in Dreſs, they put our Wives and Daughters upon yet greater Exceſſes, becauſe they will (as indeed they ought) go finer than the Maid: Thus the Maid ſtriving to out-do the Miſtreſs, the Tradeſman's Wife to out-do the Gentleman's Wife, the Gentleman's Wife emulating the Lady, and the Ladies one another, it ſeems as if the whole Buſineſs of the female Sex, were nothing, but Exceſs of Pride, and Extra⯑vagance in Dreſs.

3dly, The great Height to which Women-Servants have brought their Wages, makes a Mutiny among the Men-Servants, and puts them upon raiſing their Wages too: So that in a little Time our Servants will become our Partners, nay, probably, run away with the better Part of our Profits, and ſo make Ser⯑vants of us vice verſa. And, yet with all theſe Inconveniences, we cannot poſſibly do without theſe Creatures, let us therefore, ceaſe to talk of the Abuſes ariſing from 'em, and begin to think of redreſſing 'em. I do not ſet up for a Law-giver, ſo ſhall lay down no certain Rules, humbly ſubmitting in all things, to the Wiſdom of our Legiſlature. Therefore what I offer ſhall be under Cor⯑rection, [14] and upon Conjecture, my utmoſt Am⯑bition being but to give ſome Hint to remedy this growing Evil, and leave the Proſecution to abler Heads.

And firſt it would be neceſſary to ſettle and limit their Wages, from forty and fifty Shillings to four and five Pounds per Annum, that is to ſay, according to their Merits and Capa⯑cities: For Example, a young unexperienc'd Servant to have 40s. per Annum 'till ſhe qualifies herſelf for a larger Sum; a Servant who can do all Houſhold-Work, or, as the good Women term it, can take her Work and leave her Work, ſhould have four Pounds per Annum; and thoſe who have liv'd ſeven Years in one Service, ſhould ever after demand five Pounds per Annum; for I would very fain have ſome particular Encouragements and Privileges given to ſuch Servants, who ſhould continue long in a Place; it would incite a Deſire to pleaſe, and cauſe an Emulation very beneficial to the Publick.

I have heard of an ancient Charity in the Pariſh of St. Clement's-Danes, where a Sum of Money, or Eſtate, is left, out of the Intereſt or Income of which, ſuch Maid-Servants, who have liv'd in that Pariſh ſeven Years in one Service, if they pleaſe to demand it, receive a Reward of ten Pounds a Piece.

This is a noble Benefaction, and ſhews the publick Spirit of the Donor; but Every-body's [15] Buſineſs is No-body's, for I have not heard that ſuch Reward has been paid to any Ser⯑vant of late Years; a thouſand pities that a Gift of that Nature ſhould ſink in Oblivion, and not be kept up as an Example to in⯑cite all Pariſhes to do the like.

The Romans had a Law, call'd Jus Trium Liberorum, by which every Man who had been Father of three Children had particular Honours and Privileges: This incited the Youth to quit a diſſolute ſingle Life, and be⯑come Fathers of Families, to the Support and Glory of the Empire.

In Imitation of this moſt excellent Law, I would have ſuch Servants, who ſhould continue many Years in one Service, meet with ſingular Eſteem and Reward.

The Apparel of our Women-Servants ſhould be next regulated, that we may know the Miſtreſs from the Maid. I remember I was once put very much to the Bluſh, being at a Friend's Houſe, and by him requir'd to ſalute the Ladies, I kiſs'd the Chamber-Jade in to the bargain, for ſhe was as well dreſs'd as the beſt. But I was ſoon undeceiv'd by a general Titter, that gave me the utmoſt Confuſion, nor can I believe myſelf the only Perſon who has made ſuch a Miſtake.

Things of this Nature would be avoided, if our Servant-Maids were to wear Liveries, as our Footmen do; or if they were oblig'd to [16] go in a Dreſs ſuitable to their Station. What ſhould ail them, but a Jacket and Petticoat of good Yard-wide Stuff, or Callimanco might keep 'em decent and Warm.

Our Charity Children are diſtinguiſh'd by their Dreſs, why then may not our Women Servants? Why may they not be made frugal per force, and not put all on their Backs, but ſave ſomething againſt a rainy Day? I am there⯑fore entirely againſt any Servants wearing of Silks, Laces, and other ſuperfluous Finery; it ſets them above themſelves, and makes their Miſtreſſes contemptible in their Eyes. I am handſomer than my Miſtreſs; ſays a young prink'd up Baggage, what pity 'tis I ſhould be her Servant; I go as well dreſs'd or better than ſhe. This makes the Girl take the firſt Offer to be made a Whore, and there is a good Servant ſpoil'd; whereas were her Dreſs but ſuitable to her Condition, it would teach her Humility, and put her in Mind of her Duty.

Beſides, the fear of ſpoiling their Cloaths makes them afraid of Houſhold-Work; ſo that in a little Time we ſhall have none but Chamber-maids, and Nurſery-Maids; and of this let me give one Inſtance: My Family is compoſed of my ſelf and Siſter, a Man and a Maid; and being without a Servant, a young Wench came to hire her ſelf as a Servant; the Man was gone out, and my Siſter above [17] Stairs, ſo I open'd the Door my ſelf, and this Perſon preſented herſelf to my View, dreſs'd compleatly, and more like a Viſitor than a Servant-Maid; ſhe, not knowing me, ask'd for my Siſter: Pray Madam, ſaid I, be pleas'd to walk into the Parlour, and ſhe ſhall wait on you preſently. Accordingly, I handed Madam in, who took it very cordially. After ſome Apology, I left her alone for a Minute or two, while I (ſtupid Wretch!) runs up to my Siſter, and told her there was a Gentlewoman below come to viſit her. Dear Brother, ſaid ſhe, don't leave her alone, go down and entertain her while I dreſs my ſelf. Accordingly, down I went, and talk'd of indifferent Affairs with Madam; mean while my Siſter dreſs'd herſelf all over again, not being willing to be ſeen in an Undreſs. At laſt ſhe came down dreſs'd as clean as her Viſitor: but how great was my Surprize, when I found my fine Lady a common Ser⯑vant-Wench.

My Siſter, underſtanding what ſhe was, began to ask what Wages ſhe expected? She modeſtly asked but eight Pounds a Year. The next Queſtion was, what Work ſhe could do to deſerve ſuch Wages? To this ſhe anſwer'd, That ſhe could clean a Houſe, or dreſs a common Family-Dinner. But cannot you waſh, reply'd my Siſter, or get up Linnen? She anſwer'd in the Negative, [18] and ſaid, She would undertake neither, nor would ſhe go into any Family that did not put out their Linnen to waſh, and hire a Chare-wo⯑man to ſcour. She deſir'd to ſee the Houſe, and after having carefully ſurvey'd it, ſaid, The Work was too hard for her, nor could ſhe undertake it. This put my Siſter beyond all Patience, and me into the greateſt Admiration. Young Wo⯑man, ſaid ſhe, you have made a Miſtake, I want a Houſe-Maid, and you are a Chamber-Maid. No Madam, reply'd ſhe, I am not Needle-Woman enough for that. And yet you ask 8 Pounds a Year reply'd my Siſter. Yes Madam, ſaid ſhe, nor ſhall I bate a Far⯑thing. Then get you gone for a lazy impudent Baggage, ſaid I; you want to be a Boarder, and not a Servant: Have you a Fortune, or Eſtate, that you dreſs at that Rate? No Sir, ſaid ſhe, but I hope I may wear what I work for without Offence. What you work for, In⯑terrupted my Siſter, why you don't ſeem wil⯑ling to undertake any: You will not waſh or ſcour; you cannot dreſs a Dinner for Com⯑pany; you are no Needle-Woman, and our little Houſe, of two Rooms on a Floor, is too much for you. For God's ſake what can you do? Madam, reply'd ſhe pertly; I know my Buſineſs; and don't fear a Service; there are more Places than Pariſh Churches; if you waſh at Home, you ſhould have a Laundry-Maid; [19] if you give Entertainments, you muſt have a Cook-Maid; if you have any Needle-Work, you ſhould have a Chamber-Maid; and ſuch a Houſe as this is enough for a Houſe-Maid in all Conſcience.

I was pleas'd at the Wit, and aſtoniſh'd at the Impudence of the Girl, and ſo diſmiſs'd her with Thanks for her Inſtructions; aſſuring her, that when I kept four Maids ſhe ſhould be Houſe-Maid, if ſhe pleas'd. Were a Ser⯑vant to do my Buſineſs with chearfulneſs, I ſhould not grudge at five or ſix Pounds per Annum: Nor would I be ſo unchriſtian as to put more upon any one, than they can bear; but to pray, and pay too, is the Devil; and it is very hard, that I muſt keep four Ser⯑vants or none.

In great Families indeed, where many Servants are requir'd, theſe Diſtinctions of Chamber-Maid, Houſe-Maid, Cook-Maid, Laundry-Maid, Nurſery-Maid, &c. are re⯑quiſite, to the End, that each may take her particular Buſineſs, and many Hands may make the Work light: But for a private Gentleman, of a ſmall Fortune, to be oblig'd to keep ſo many Idle Jades, when one might do the Buſineſs, is intollerable, and matter of great Grievance.

I cannot cloſe this Diſcourſe without a gentle Admonition and Reproof to ſome of my own Sex, I mean thoſe Gentlemen who [20] give themſelves unneceſſary Airs, and cannot go to ſee a Friend, but they muſt kiſs and ſlop the Maid; and all this is done with an Air of Gallantry, forſooth, and muſt not be reſented: Nay, ſome Gentlemen are ſo ſilly, that they ſhall carry on an under⯑hand Affair, with their Friend's Servant-Maid, to their own Diſgrace, and the Ruin of many a young Creature. Nothing is more baſe and ungenerous, yet nothing more common; and withal ſo little taken Notice of. D— me, Jack, ſays one Friend to another, this Maid of yours is a pretty Girl, you do ſo and ſo to her by G—d. This makes the Servant-Maid Pert, Vain and Impudent, and ſpoils many a good Servant.

What Gentleman will deſcend to this low Way of Intrigue, when he ſhall conſider, that he has a Foot-Boy or an Apprentice for his Rival; and that he is ſeldom or never ad⯑mitted, but when they have been his Taſters: And the Fool of Fortune, tho' he comes at the latter End of the Feaſt, yet pays the whole Reckoning; and ſo indeed would I have all ſuch ſilly Cullies ſerv'd.

If I muſt have an Intrigue, let it be with a Woman that ſhall not ſhame me. I would never go into the Kitchen, when the Parlour-Door was open. We are forbidden at High⯑gate, to kiſs the Maid when we may kiſs the Miſtreſs: Why then will Gentlemen deſcend [21] ſo low, by too much familiarity with theſe Creatures, to bring themſelves into Con⯑tempt.

I have been at Places, where the Maid has been ſo dizzied with theſe idle Compliments, that ſhe has miſtook one Thing for another, and not regarded her Miſtreſs in the leaſt; but put on all the flirting Airs imaginable. But this Behaviour is no where ſo much com⯑plain'd of as in Taverns, Coffee-Houſes, and Places of publick Reſort, where there are handſome Bar-Keepers, &c. Theſe Creatures being puff'd up with the fulſome flattery of a ſet of Fleſh-Flies, that are continually buzzing about 'em, carry themſelves with the utmoſt Inſolence imaginable; inſomuch, that you muſt ſpeak to them with a great deal of Deference, or you are ſure to be affronted. I was at a Coffee-Houſe t'other Day, where one of theſe Ladies kept the Bar, and had beſpoke a Diſh of Rice-Tea; but Madam was ſo taken up with her Sparks, that ſhe had quite forgot it. I ſpoke for it again, and with ſome Temper, but was anſwer'd after a moſt taunting Manner, not without a toſs of the Head, a Contraction of the Noſtrils, and other Impertinencies, too many to enumerate. Seeing my ſelf thus publickly inſulted by ſuch an Animal, I could not chuſe but ſhew my Reſentment: Woman, ſaid I, ſternly, I want a Diſh of Rice-Tea, and not what your [22] Vanity and Impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a Gentleman and a Cuſtomer, and ſerve me with what I call for, and keep your impertinent Repartees and impudent Behaviour for the Coxcombs, that ſwarm round your Bar, and make you ſo vain of your blown Carcaſs. And indeed I believe the Inſolence of this Creature will ruin her Maſter at laſt, by driving away Men of Sobriety and Buſineſs, and making the Place a Den of Vagabonds and Rake-Hells.

Gentlemen therefore ought to be very cir⯑cumſpect in their Behaviour, and not under⯑value themſelves to Servant-Wenches, who are but too apt to treat a Gentleman Ill, when ever he puts himſelf into their Pow⯑er.

Let me now beg pardon for this Digreſſion, and return to my Subject, by propoſing ſome practicable Methods for regulating of Servants, which whether they are followed or not, yet if they afford Matter of Improvement and Speculation, it will anſwer the Heighth of my Expectation; and I will be the firſt who ſhall approve of whatever Improvements are made from this ſmall Beginning.

The firſt Abuſe I would have reform'd, is, that Servants ſhould be reſtrain'd from throw⯑ing themſelves out of Place on every idle Va⯑gary: This might be remedied were all Con⯑tracts between Maſter and Servant to be [23] made before a Juſtice of the Peace, or other proper Officer, and a Memorandum thereof taken in Writing: Nor ſhould ſuch Servant leave his or her Place (for Men and Maids might come under the ſame Regulation) 'till the Time agreed on be expir'd, unleſs ſuch Servant be miſus'd or deny'd Neceſſaries, or ſhow ſome other reaſonable Cauſe for their Diſcharge. In that Caſe, the Maſter or Mi⯑ſtreſs ſhould be reprimanded, or fin'd: But if Servants misbehave themſelves, or leave their Places, not being regularly diſcharg'd, they ought to be amerc'd or puniſh'd. But all thoſe idle ridiculous Cuſtoms and Laws of their own making, ſuch as, a Month's Wa⯑ges or a Month's Warning, and ſuch like, ſhould be intirely ſet aſide and aboliſh'd.

When a Servant has ſerv'd the limited Time duly and faithfully, they ſhould be intitul'd to a Certificate, as is practiced at preſent in the Wool-Combing Trade: Nor ſhould any Perſon hire a Servant without a Certificate, or other proper Security. A Servant without a Certificate ſhould be deem'd a Vagrant: And a Maſter or Miſtreſs ought to aſſign very good Reaſons, when they object againſt giving a Servant his or her Certificate.

And tho' to avoid Prolixity, I have not mention'd Footmen particularly in the fore⯑going Diſcourſe: Yet the Complaints alledg'd againſt the Maids are as well Maſculine as [24] Feminine, and very applicable to our Gentle⯑men's Gentlemen. I would therefore have them under the very ſame Regulations; and as they are Fellow Servants, would not make Fiſh of one and Fleſh of the other, ſince daily Ex⯑perience teaches us, that ‘Never a Barrel the Better Herring.’

The next great Abuſe among us is, that under the Notion of cleaning our Shoes, above Ten Thouſand Wicked, Idle, Pilfering Va⯑grants, are permitted to patrol about our City and Suburbs. Theſe are call'd the Black-Guard, who Black your Honour's Shoes, and incorporate themſelves under the Title of the Worſhipful Company of Jappanners.

Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might terminate in a Jeſt: But the miſchief Ends not here, they corrupt our Youth, eſpecially our Men-Servants; Oaths and Impudence are their only Flowers of Rheto⯑rick; Gaming and Thieving are the principal Parts of their Profeſſion; but japanning, the Pre⯑tence. For Example, a Gentleman keeps a Servant, who, among other Things, is to clean his Maſters Shoes; but our Gentlemen's Servants are above it now a-Days, and your Man's Man performs the Office; for which [25] piece of Service you pay double and treble, eſpecially if you keep a Table: For you are well off if the Jappanner has no more than his own Diet from your Table.

I have often obſerv'd theſe Raſcals ſneak⯑ing from Gentlemen's Doors with Wallets, or Hats, full of good Victuals, which they either carry to their Trulls, or ſell for a Trifle. By this Means our Butcher's, our Baker's, our Poulterer's and Cheeſemonger's Bills are monſtrouſly exaggerated: Not to mention Candles juſt lighted, which ſell for five Pence a Pound; many other Perquiſites beſt known to themſelves and the pilfering Villains their Confederates.

Add to this, that their continual Gaming ſets Servants upon their Wits to ſupply this Extravagance, tho', at the ſame Time the Maſter's Pocket pays for it; and the Time, which ſhould be ſpent in a Gentleman's Ser⯑vice, is loiter'd away among theſe Rake⯑hells: Inſomuch, that half our Meſſages are inefectual, the Time intended being often ex⯑pir'd before the Meſſage is deliver'd.

How many and frequent Robberies are committed by theſe Jappanners? And to how many more are they Confederates? Sil⯑ver-Spoons, Spurs, and other ſmall Pieces of Plate, are every Day miſſing, and very often ſound upon theſe ſort of Gentlemen. Yet are they permitted, to the ſhame of all our good [26] Laws, and the Scandal of our moſt excellent Government, to lurk about our Streets, to de⯑bauch our Servants and Apprentices, to ſup⯑port an infinite Number of ſcandalous, ſhame⯑leſs Trulls, yet more wicked then them⯑ſelves: For not a jack among 'em, but muſt have his Gill.

By whom ſuch Indecencies are daily acted even in our open Streets, as are very offenſive to the Eyes and Ears of all ſober Perſons, and even abominable in a Chriſtian Country.

In any Riot or other Diſturbance, theſe Sparks are always the foremoſt; for moſt among 'em can turn their Hands to picking of Pockets; to run away with Goods from a Fire, or other publick Confuſion; to ſnatch any Thing from a Woman, or Child; to ſtrip a Houſe when the Door is open; or any other Branch of a Thief's Profeſſion.

In ſhort, it is a Nurſery for Thieves and Villains; modeſt Women are every Day in⯑ſulted by them and their Strumpets; and ſuch Children as run about the Streets, or ſuch Servants as go on Errands, do but too fre⯑quently bring home ſome Scraps of their beaſtly, profane Wit; inſomuch, that the Converſation of our lower Rank of People runs only upon Bawdy and Blaſphemy, not⯑withſtanding our Societies for Reformation, and our Laws in force againſt Profaneſs: For this lazy Life gets them many Proſelites, their [27] Numbers daily increaſing by run-away Ap⯑prentices and Foot-Boys; inſomuch that it is a very hard Matter for a Gentleman to get him a Servant, or for a Tradeſman to find an Apprentice.

Innumerable other Miſchiefs accrue, and others will ſpring up, from this Race of Cat⯑terpillars, who muſt be ſwept from out our Streets, or we ſhall be over-run with all man⯑ner of Wickedneſs.

But the Subject is ſo low, that it becomes diſagreeable even to my ſelf, give me leave therefore to propoſe a Way to clear the Streets of theſe Vermin, and to ſubſtitute as many honeſt induſtrious Perſons in their ſtead, who are now ſtarving for want of Bread, while theſe execrable Villains live (though in Rags and Naſtineſs, yet) in Plenty and Luxury.

I therefore humbly propoſe, that theſe Vagabonds be put immediately under the Command and Inſpection of ſuch Task-Ma⯑ſters as the Government ſhall appoint, and that they be employ'd, puniſh'd and re⯑warded, according to their Capacities and Demerits; that is to ſay, the induſtrious and docible to Wool-combing and other Parts of the Woollen Manufacture, where Hands are wanted; as alſo to Husbandry and other Parts of Agriculture.

[28] For it is evident, that there are ſcarce Hands enow in the Country to carry on either of theſe Affairs. Now theſe Vaga⯑bonds might not only by this Means be kept out of Harm's Way, but be render'd ſer⯑viceable to the Nation. Nor is there any need of tranſporting 'em beyond Seas, for if any are refractory, they ſhould be ſent to our Stannaries and other Mines, to our Coal-Works and other Places, where hard Labour is requir'd. And here I muſt offer one Thing, never yet thought of, or propoſed by any, and that is, the keeping in due Re⯑pair the Navigation of the River-Thames, ſo uſeful to our Trade in general: And yet of late Years ſuch vaſt Hills of Sand are gathered together in ſeveral Parts of the River, as are very prejudicial to its Na⯑vigation. One of which is near London-Bridge, another near White-Hall, and an⯑other near Batterſea. Theſe two laſt in particular are of very great Hindrance to the Navigation. And indeed the Removal of them ought to be a National Concern, which I humbly propoſe may be thus ef⯑fected.

The rebellious Part of theſe Vagabonds, as alſo other Thieves and Offenders, ſhould be form'd in Bodies under the Command of pro⯑per Officers, and under the Guard and Awe of our Soldiery. Theſe ſhould every Day [29] at low Water carry away theſe Sand-Hills, and remove every other Obſtruction to the Navigation of this moſt excellent and uſeful River.

It may be objected, that the Ballaſt-Men might do this; and that as faſt as the Hills are taken away they would gather together again; or, that the Watermen might do it. To the firſt I anſwer, that the Ballaſt-Men, inſtead of taking from theſe Hills, make Holes in other Places of the River, which is the Reaſon ſo many young Perſons are drown'd when ſwiming or bathing in the River. Beſides, it is a Work for many Hands, and of long Continuance, ſo that Ballaſt-Men do more harm than good. The ſecond Ob⯑jection is as ſilly, as if I ſhould never waſh my ſelf becauſe I ſhall be dirty again, and I think needs no other Anſwer. And as to the third Objection, the Watermen are not ſo publick ſpirited, they live only from Hand to Mouth, tho' not one of 'em but finds the Inconvenience of theſe Hills every Day, being obliged to go a great Way round about for fear of running a ground: Inſo⯑much, that in a few Years the Navigation of that Part of the River will be intirely ob⯑ſtructed. Nevertheleſs, every one of theſe Gentlemen-Watermen hopes it will laſt his Time, and ſo they all cry, the Devil take the hindmoſt; but yet I judge it highly ne⯑ceſſary, [30] that this ſhould be made a National Concern, like Dagenham-Breach, and that theſe Hills be remov'd by ſome Means or other.

And now I have mention'd Watermen, give me leave to complain of the Inſolencies and Exactions they daily commit on the Ri⯑ver Thames, and in particular this one In⯑ſtance which cries aloud for Juſtice.

A young Lady of Diſtinction, in Company with her Brother, a little Youth, took a Pair of Oars at or near the Temple on May-Day laſt, and order'd the Men to carry them to Pepper-Alley-Stairs. One of the Fellows (according to their uſual Impertinence) ask'd the Lady where ſhe was going? She an⯑ſwer'd, near St. Olace's Church. Upon which he ſaid, ſhe had better go through Bridge. The Lady reply'd, ſhe had never gone through Bridge in her Life, nor would ſhe venture for an Hundred Guineas; ſo command⯑ed him once more to land her at Pepper-Alley-Stairs. Notwithſtanding which, in ſpight of her Fears, Threats and Commands, nay, in ſpight of the Perſuaſion of his Fellow, he forc'd her through London-Bridge, which frighten'd her beyond Expreſſion; and, to mend the matter, he oblig'd her to pay [...] [...]are, and mobb'd her into the Bargain.

[31] To reſent which Abuſe, Application was made to the Hall, the Fellow ſummon'd, and the Lady order'd to attend, which ſhe did, waiting there all the Morning, and appointed to call again in the Afternoon. She came ac⯑cordingly, but they told her the Fellow had been there, and was gone, ſo they appointed another Friday. She attended again, but to the ſame Purpoſe. Nor have they yet pro⯑duc'd the Man, but tir'd out the Lady, who has ſpent above ten Shillings in Coach-hire, been abus'd, and baffled into the Bargain.

It is pity therefore, that there are not Com⯑miſſioners for Watermen, as there are for Hackney-Coachmen; or that Juſtices of the Peace might not inflict bodily Penalties on Watermen thus offending. But while Wa⯑termen are Watermen's Judges, I ſhall laugh at thoſe who carry their Complaints to the Hall.

The uſual Plea in behalf of abuſive Wa⯑termen is, that they are drunk, ignorant, or poor; but will that ſatisfy the Party ag⯑greiv'd, or defer the Offender from re-offend⯑ing? Whereas were the Offenders ſent to the Houſe of Correction, and there puniſh'd, or ſentenc'd to work at the Sand-Hills afore⯑mention'd for a Time, ſuitable to the Nature of their Crimes, the Terror of ſuch Puniſh⯑ments might make them fearful of offending, to the great Quiet of the Subject.

[32] Now it will be ask'd, How ſhall we have our Shoes clean'd, or how are theſe indu⯑ſtrious Poor to be maintain'd? To this I an⯑ſwer, that the Places of theſe Vagabonds may be very well ſupply'd by great Num⯑bers of ancient Perſons, poor Widows and others, who have not enough from their re⯑ſpective Pariſhes to maintain 'em. Theſe poor People I would have authoriz'd and ſtation'd by the Juſtices of the Peace, or other Magiſtrates. Each of theſe ſhould have a particular Walk or Stand, and no other Shoe-cleaner ſhould come into that Walk unleſs the Perſon misbehave and be remov'd. Nor ſhould any Perſon clean Shoes in the Streets, but theſe autho⯑riz'd Shoe-cleaners, who ſhould have ſome Mark of Diſtinction, and be under the im⯑mediate Government of the Juſtices of the Peace.

Thus would many Thouſands of poor People be provided for, without burthening their Pariſhes. Some of theſe may earn a Shilling or two in a Day, and none leſs then ſix Pence or thereabouts. And leaſt the old Jappanners ſhould appear again, in the ſhape of Link-Boys, and ſo knock down Gentlemen in Drink, and lead others out of the Way into dark remote Places, where they either put out their Lights and rob 'em themſelves, or run away and leave 'em [33] to be pillag'd by others, or perform any other Part of the thieving Function, I would have no Perſon carry a Link for Hire but ſome of theſe induſtrious Poor, and theſe not without ſome Ticket or Badge, to let People know who they truſt. Thus would the Streets be clear'd Night and Day of theſe Vermin: Nor would Oaths, Skirmiſhes, Blaſphemy, obſcene Talk, or other wicked Examples be ſo publick and frequent. All gaming at Orange and Gingerbread-Barrows ſhould be aboliſh'd, as alſo all Penny and half Penny Lotteries, Thimbles and Balls, &c. ſo frequent in Moorfields, Lincolns-Inn-Fields, &c. where Idle Fellows re⯑ſort, to play with Children and Apprentices, and tempt them to ſteal their Parents or Ma⯑ſters Money.

There is one admirable Cuſtom in the City of London, which I could wiſh were imitated in the City and Liberties of Weſt⯑minſter, and Bills of Mortality, which is, no Porter can carry a Burthen, or Letter, in the City unleſs he be a Ticket-Porter: Whereas out of the Freedom-part of London, any Perſon may take a Knot and turn Porter, 'till he be intruſted with ſomething of Value, and then you never hear of him more. This is very common and ought to be amended. I would therefore have all Porters under ſome ſuch Regulation as Coachmen, Chairmen, Car⯑men [34] &c. a Man may then know whom he intruſts, and not run the Riſque of loſing his Goods, &c. Nay I would not have a Perſon carry a Basket in the Markets, who is not ſubject to ſome ſuch Regulation; for very many Perſons oftentimes loſe their Din⯑ner in ſending their Meat home by Perſons they know nothing of.

Thus would all our Poor be ſtation'd, and a Man or Woman, able to perform any of theſe Offices, muſt either comply or be term'd an idle Vagrant, and ſo ſent to a Place where they ſhall be forc'd to work. By this means Induſtry will be encourag'd, Idleneſs puniſh'd, and we ſhall be fam'd, as well as happy, for our Tranquility and Decorum.