Scene 2
Enter the Ladies ( the Princess , Rosaline ,
Katherine , and Maria . )
PRINCESS
Sweethearts , we shall be rich ere we depart ,
If fairings come thus plentifully in .
[149] ACT 5. SC. 2 A lady walled about with diamonds !
Look you what I have from the loving king .
She shows a jewel .
ROSALINE
Madam , came nothing else along with that ?
PRINCESS
Nothing but this ? Yes , as much love in rhyme
As would be crammed up in a sheet of paper
Writ o’ both sides the leaf , margent and all ,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name .
ROSALINE
That was the way to make his godhead wax ,
For he hath been five thousand year a boy .
KATHERINE
Ay , and a shrewd unhappy gallows , too .
ROSALINE
You’ll ne’er be friends with him . He killed your
sister .
KATHERINE
He made her melancholy , sad , and heavy ,
And so she died . Had she been light like you ,
Of such a merry , nimble , stirring spirit ,
She might ha’ been a grandam ere she died .
And so may you , for a light heart lives long .
ROSALINE
What’s your dark meaning , mouse , of this light
word ?
KATHERINE
A light condition in a beauty dark .
ROSALINE
We need more light to find your meaning out .
KATHERINE
You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff ;
Therefore I’ll darkly end the argument .
[151]ACT 5. SC. 2
ROSALINE
Look what you do , you do it still i’ th’ dark .
KATHERINE
So do not you , for you are a light wench .
ROSALINE
Indeed , I weigh not you , and therefore light .
KATHERINE
You weigh me not ? O , that’s you care not for me .
ROSALINE
Great reason : for past care is still past cure .
PRINCESS
Well bandied both ; a set of wit well played .
But , Rosaline , you have a favor too .
Who sent it ? And what is it ?
ROSALINE
I would you knew .
An if my face were but as fair as yours ,
My favor were as great . Be witness this .
She shows a gift .
Nay , I have verses too , I thank Berowne ;
The numbers true ; and were the numb’ring too ,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground .
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs .
O , he hath drawn my picture in his letter .
PRINCESS
Anything like ?
ROSALINE
Much in the letters , nothing in the praise .
PRINCESS
Beauteous as ink : a good conclusion .
KATHERINE
Fair as a text B in a copybook .
ROSALINE
Ware pencils , ho ! Let me not die your debtor ,
My red dominical , my golden letter .
O , that your face were not so full of O’s !
PRINCESS
A pox of that jest ! And I beshrew all shrows .
[153] ACT 5. SC. 2 But , Katherine , what was sent to you
From fair Dumaine ?
KATHERINE
Madam , this glove .
She shows the glove .
PRINCESS
Did he not send you twain ?
KATHERINE
Yes , madam , and moreover ,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover ,
A huge translation of hypocrisy ,
Vilely compiled , profound simplicity .
MARIA
This , and these pearls , to me sent Longaville .
She shows a paper and pearls .
The letter is too long by half a mile .
PRINCESS
I think no less . Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short ?
MARIA
Ay , or I would these hands might never part .
PRINCESS
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so .
ROSALINE
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so .
That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go .
O , that I knew he were but in by th’ week ,
How I would make him fawn , and beg , and seek ,
And wait the season , and observe the times ,
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes ,
And shape his service wholly to my hests ,
And make him proud to make me proud that jests !
So pair-taunt-like would I o’ersway his state ,
That he should be my fool , and I his fate .
PRINCESS
None are so surely caught , when they are catched ,
As wit turned fool . Folly in wisdom hatched
Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school ,
And wit’s own grace to grace a learnèd fool .
[155]ACT 5. SC. 2
ROSALINE
The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity’s revolt to wantonness .
MARIA
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
As fool’ry in the wise , when wit doth dote ,
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove , by wit , worth in simplicity .
Enter Boyet .
PRINCESS
Here comes Boyet , and mirth is in his face .
BOYET
O , I am stabbed with laughter . Where’s her Grace ?
PRINCESS
Thy news , Boyet ?
BOYET
Prepare , madam , prepare .
Arm , wenches , arm . Encounters mounted are
Against your peace . Love doth approach , disguised ,
Armèd in arguments . You’ll be surprised .
Muster your wits , stand in your own defense ,
Or hide your heads like cowards , and fly hence .
PRINCESS
Saint Denis to Saint Cupid ! What are they
That charge their breath against us ? Say , scout , say .
BOYET
Under the cool shade of a sycamore ,
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour .
When , lo , to interrupt my purposed rest ,
Toward that shade I might behold addressed
The King and his companions . Warily
I stole into a neighbor thicket by ,
And overheard what you shall overhear :
That , by and by , disguised , they will be here .
Their herald is a pretty knavish page
That well by heart hath conned his embassage .
[157] ACT 5. SC. 2 Action and accent did they teach him there :
‘Thus must thou speak ,’ and ‘thus thy body bear .’
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out ;
‘For ,’ quoth the King , ‘an angel shalt thou see ;
Yet fear not thou , but speak audaciously .’
The boy replied ‘An angel is not evil .
I should have feared her had she been a devil .’
With that , all laughed and clapped him on the
shoulder ,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder .
One rubbed his elbow thus , and fleered , and swore
A better speech was never spoke before .
Another with his finger and his thumb ,
Cried ‘Via ! We will do ’t , come what will come .’
The third he capered and cried ‘All goes well !’
The fourth turned on the toe , and down he fell .
With that , they all did tumble on the ground
With such a zealous laughter so profound
That in this spleen ridiculous appears ,
To check their folly , passion’s solemn tears .
PRINCESS
But what , but what ? Come they to visit us ?
BOYET
They do , they do ; and are appareled thus ,
Like Muscovites , or Russians , as I guess .
Their purpose is to parley , to court , and dance ,
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress — which they’ll know
By favors several which they did bestow .
PRINCESS
And will they so ? The gallants shall be tasked ,
For , ladies , we will every one be masked ,
And not a man of them shall have the grace ,
Despite of suit , to see a lady’s face .
Hold , Rosaline , this favor thou shalt wear ,
[159] ACT 5. SC. 2 And then the King will court thee for his dear .
Hold , take thou this , my sweet , and give me thine .
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline .
Princess and Rosaline exchange favors .
And change you favors too . So shall your loves
Woo contrary , deceived by these removes .
Katherine and Maria exchange favors .
ROSALINE
Come on , then , wear the favors most in sight .
KATHERINE
, to Princess
But in this changing , what is your intent ?
PRINCESS
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs .
They do it but in mockery merriment ,
And mock for mock is only my intent .
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook , and so be mocked withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet ,
With visages displayed , to talk and greet .
ROSALINE
But shall we dance , if they desire us to ’t ?
PRINCESS
No , to the death we will not move a foot ,
Nor to their penned speech render we no grace ,
But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face .
BOYET
Why , that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart ,
And quite divorce his memory from his part .
PRINCESS
Therefore I do it , and I make no doubt
The rest will ne’er come in if he be out .
There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown ,
To make theirs ours and ours none but our own .
So shall we stay , mocking intended game ,
And they , well mocked , depart away with shame .
Sound trumpet , within .
[161]ACT 5. SC. 2
BOYET
The trumpet sounds . Be masked ; the maskers come .
The Ladies mask .
Enter Blackamoors with music , the Boy with a speech ,
the King , Berowne , and the rest of the Lords disguised .
BOY
All hail , the richest beauties on the Earth !
BOYET
Beauties no richer than rich taffeta .
BOY
A holy parcel of the fairest dames ( The Ladies turn their backs to him . )
That ever turned their — backs —
to mortal views . BEROWNE
Their eyes , villain , their eyes !
BOY
That ever turned their eyes to mortal views .
Out —
BOYET
True ; out indeed .
BOY
Out of your favors , heavenly spirits , vouchsafe
Not to behold —
BEROWNE
Once to behold , rogue !
BOY
Once to behold with your sun-beamèd eyes —
With your sun-beamèd eyes —
BOYET
They will not answer to that epithet .
You were best call it ‘daughter-beamèd eyes .’
BOY
They do not mark me , and that brings me out .
BEROWNE
Is this your perfectness ? Begone , you rogue !
Boy exits .
ROSALINE
, speaking as the Princess
What would these strangers ? Know their minds ,
Boyet .
[163] ACT 5. SC. 2 If they do speak our language , ’tis our will
That some plain man recount their purposes .
Know what they would .
BOYET
What would you with the
Princess ?
BEROWNE
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation .
ROSALINE
What would they , say they ?
BOYET
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation .
ROSALINE
Why , that they have , and bid them so be gone .
BOYET
She says you have it , and you may be gone .
KING
Say to her we have measured many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass .
BOYET
They say that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass .
ROSALINE
It is not so . Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile . If they have measured many ,
The measure then of one is eas’ly told .
BOYET
If to come hither you have measured miles ,
And many miles , the Princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile .
BEROWNE
Tell her we measure them by weary steps .
BOYET
She hears herself .
ROSALINE
How many weary steps
Of many weary miles you have o’ergone
Are numbered in the travel of one mile ?
[165]ACT 5. SC. 2
BEROWNE
We number nothing that we spend for you .
Our duty is so rich , so infinite ,
That we may do it still without account .
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face
That we , like savages , may worship it .
ROSALINE
My face is but a moon , and clouded too .
KING
Blessèd are clouds , to do as such clouds do !
Vouchsafe , bright moon , and these thy stars , to
shine ,
Those clouds removed , upon our watery eyne .
ROSALINE
O vain petitioner , beg a greater matter !
Thou now requests but moonshine in the water .
KING
Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change .
Thou bidd’st me beg ; this begging is not strange .
ROSALINE
Play music , then . Nay , you must do it soon .
Music begins .
Not yet ? No dance ! Thus change I like the moon .
KING
Will you not dance ? How come you thus estranged ?
ROSALINE
You took the moon at full , but now she’s changed .
KING
Yet still she is the moon , and I the man .
The music plays . Vouchsafe some motion to it .
ROSALINE
Our ears vouchsafe it .
KING
But your legs should do it .
ROSALINE
Since you are strangers and come here by chance ,
We’ll not be nice . Take hands . We will not dance .
She offers her hand .
[167]ACT 5. SC. 2
KING
Why take we hands then ?
ROSALINE
Only to part friends . —
Curtsy , sweethearts — and so the measure ends .
KING
More measure of this measure ! Be not nice .
ROSALINE
We can afford no more at such a price .
KING
Prize you yourselves . What buys your company ?
ROSALINE
Your absence only .
KING
That can never be .
ROSALINE
Then cannot we be bought . And so adieu —
Twice to your visor , and half once to you .
KING
If you deny to dance , let’s hold more chat .
ROSALINE
In private , then .
KING
I am best pleased with that .
They move aside .
BEROWNE
, to the Princess
White-handed mistress , one sweet word with thee .
PRINCESS
, speaking as Rosaline
Honey , and milk , and sugar — there is three .
BEROWNE
Nay then , two treys , an if you grow so nice ,
Metheglin , wort , and malmsey . Well run , dice !
There’s half a dozen sweets .
PRINCESS
Seventh sweet , adieu .
Since you can cog , I’ll play no more with you .
BEROWNE
One word in secret .
PRINCESS
Let it not be sweet .
BEROWNE
Thou grievest my gall .
[169]ACT 5. SC. 2
PRINCESS
Gall ! Bitter .
BEROWNE
Therefore meet .
They move aside .
DUMAINE
, to Maria
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word ?
MARIA
, speaking as Katherine
Name it .
DUMAINE
Fair lady —
MARIA
Say you so ? Fair lord !
Take that for your ‘fair lady .’
DUMAINE
Please it you
As much in private , and I’ll bid adieu .
They move aside .
KATHERINE
, speaking as Maria
What , was your vizard made without a tongue ?
LONGAVILLE
I know the reason , lady , why you ask .
KATHERINE
O , for your reason ! Quickly , sir , I long .
LONGAVILLE
You have a double tongue within your mask ,
And would afford my speechless vizard half .
KATHERINE
Veal , quoth the Dutchman . Is not veal a calf ?
LONGAVILLE
A calf , fair lady ?
KATHERINE
No , a fair Lord Calf .
LONGAVILLE
Let’s part the word .
KATHERINE
No , I’ll not be your half .
Take all and wean it . It may prove an ox .
LONGAVILLE
Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks .
Will you give horns , chaste lady ? Do not so .
KATHERINE
Then die a calf before your horns do grow .
[171]ACT 5. SC. 2
LONGAVILLE
One word in private with you ere I die .
KATHERINE
Bleat softly , then . The butcher hears you cry .
They move aside .
BOYET
The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the razor’s edge invisible ,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen ;
Above the sense of sense , so sensible
Seemeth their conference . Their conceits have
wings
Fleeter than arrows , bullets , wind , thought , swifter
things .
ROSALINE
Not one word more , my maids . Break off , break off !
The Ladies move away from the Lords .
BEROWNE
By heaven , all dry-beaten with pure scoff !
KING
Farewell , mad wenches . You have simple wits .
King , Lords , and Blackamoors exit .
The Ladies unmask .
PRINCESS
Twenty adieus , my frozen Muskovits . —
Are these the breed of wits so wondered at ?
BOYET
Tapers they are , with your sweet breaths puffed
out .
ROSALINE
Well-liking wits they have ; gross , gross ; fat , fat .
PRINCESS
O poverty in wit , kingly-poor flout !
Will they not , think you , hang themselves tonight ?
Or ever but in vizards show their faces ?
This pert Berowne was out of count’nance quite .
[173]ACT 5. SC. 2
ROSALINE
They were all in lamentable cases .
The King was weeping ripe for a good word .
PRINCESS
Berowne did swear himself out of all suit .
MARIA
Dumaine was at my service , and his sword .
‘No point ,’ quoth I . My servant straight was
mute .
KATHERINE
Lord Longaville said I came o’er his heart .
And trow you what he called me ?
PRINCESS
Qualm , perhaps .
KATHERINE
Yes , in good faith .
PRINCESS
Go , sickness as thou art !
ROSALINE
Well , better wits have worn plain statute-caps .
But will you hear ? The King is my love sworn .
PRINCESS
And quick Berowne hath plighted faith to me .
KATHERINE
And Longaville was for my service born .
MARIA
Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree .
BOYET
Madam , and pretty mistresses , give ear .
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes , for it can never be
They will digest this harsh indignity .
PRINCESS
Will they return ?
BOYET
They will , they will , God knows ,
And leap for joy , though they are lame with blows .
Therefore change favors , and when they repair ,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air .
[175]ACT 5. SC. 2
PRINCESS
How ‘blow’ ? How ‘blow’ ? Speak to be understood .
BOYET
Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud .
Dismasked , their damask sweet commixture shown ,
Are angels vailing clouds , or roses blown .
PRINCESS
Avaunt , perplexity ! — What shall we do
If they return in their own shapes to woo ?
ROSALINE
Good madam , if by me you’ll be advised ,
Let’s mock them still , as well known as disguised .
Let us complain to them what fools were here ,
Disguised like Muscovites in shapeless gear ,
And wonder what they were , and to what end
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned ,
And their rough carriage so ridiculous ,
Should be presented at our tent to us .
BOYET
Ladies , withdraw . The gallants are at hand .
PRINCESS
Whip to our tents , as roes runs o’er land .
The Princess and the Ladies exit .
Enter the King and the rest , as themselves .
KING
, to Boyet
Fair sir , God save you . Where’s the Princess ?
BOYET
Gone to her tent . Please it your Majesty
Command me any service to her thither ?
KING
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word .
BOYET
I will , and so will she , I know , my lord .
He exits .
BEROWNE
This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas ,
[177] ACT 5. SC. 2 And utters it again when God doth please .
He is wit’s peddler , and retails his wares
At wakes and wassails , meetings , markets , fairs .
And we that sell by gross , the Lord doth know ,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show .
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve .
Had he been Adam , he had tempted Eve .
He can carve too , and lisp . Why , this is he
That kissed his hand away in courtesy .
This is the ape of form , Monsieur the Nice ,
That , when he plays at tables , chides the dice
In honorable terms . Nay , he can sing
A mean most meanly ; and in ushering
Mend him who can . The ladies call him sweet .
The stairs , as he treads on them , kiss his feet .
This is the flower that smiles on everyone
To show his teeth as white as whale’s bone ;
And consciences that will not die in debt
Pay him the due of ‘honey-tongued Boyet .’
KING
A blister on his sweet tongue , with my heart ,
That put Armado’s page out of his part !
Enter the Ladies , with Boyet .
BEROWNE
See where it comes ! Behavior , what wert thou
Till this madman showed thee ? And what art thou
now ?
KING
, to Princess
All hail , sweet madam , and fair time of day .
PRINCESS
‘Fair’ in ‘all hail’ is foul , as I conceive .
KING
Construe my speeches better , if you may .
PRINCESS
Then wish me better . I will give you leave .
[179]ACT 5. SC. 2
KING
We came to visit you , and purpose now
To lead you to our court . Vouchsafe it , then .
PRINCESS
This field shall hold me , and so hold your vow .
Nor God nor I delights in perjured men .
KING
Rebuke me not for that which you provoke .
The virtue of your eye must break my oath .
PRINCESS
You nickname virtue ; ‘vice’ you should have spoke ,
For virtue’s office never breaks men’s troth .
Now by my maiden honor , yet as pure
As the unsullied lily , I protest ,
A world of torments though I should endure ,
I would not yield to be your house’s guest ,
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heavenly oaths vowed with integrity .
KING
O , you have lived in desolation here ,
Unseen , unvisited , much to our shame .
PRINCESS
Not so , my lord . It is not so , I swear .
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game .
A mess of Russians left us but of late .
KING
How , madam ? Russians ?
PRINCESS
Ay , in truth , my lord .
Trim gallants , full of courtship and of state .
ROSALINE
Madam , speak true . — It is not so , my lord .
My lady , to the manner of the days ,
In courtesy gives undeserving praise .
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit . Here they stayed an hour
And talked apace ; and in that hour , my lord ,
[181] ACT 5. SC. 2 They did not bless us with one happy word .
I dare not call them fools ; but this I think :
When they are thirsty , fools would fain have drink .
BEROWNE
This jest is dry to me . Gentle sweet ,
Your wits makes wise things foolish . When we greet ,
With eyes’ best seeing , heaven’s fiery eye ,
By light we lose light . Your capacity
Is of that nature that to your huge store
Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor .
ROSALINE
This proves you wise and rich , for in my eye —
BEROWNE
I am a fool , and full of poverty .
ROSALINE
But that you take what doth to you belong ,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue .
BEROWNE
O , I am yours , and all that I possess !
ROSALINE
All the fool mine ?
BEROWNE
I cannot give you less .
ROSALINE
Which of the vizards was it that you wore ?
BEROWNE
Where ? When ? What vizard ? Why demand you this ?
ROSALINE
There ; then ; that vizard ; that superfluous case
That hid the worse and showed the better face .
KING
, aside to Dumaine
We were descried . They’ll mock us now downright .
DUMAINE
, aside to King
Let us confess and turn it to a jest .
PRINCESS
, to King
Amazed , my lord ? Why looks your Highness sad ?
[183]ACT 5. SC. 2
ROSALINE
Help , hold his brows ! He’ll swoon ! — Why look you
pale ?
Seasick , I think , coming from Muscovy .
BEROWNE
Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury .
Can any face of brass hold longer out ?
Here stand I , lady . Dart thy skill at me .
Bruise me with scorn , confound me with a flout .
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance .
Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit ,
And I will wish thee nevermore to dance ,
Nor nevermore in Russian habit wait .
O , never will I trust to speeches penned ,
Nor to the motion of a schoolboy’s tongue ,
Nor never come in vizard to my friend ,
Nor woo in rhyme like a blind harper’s song .
Taffeta phrases , silken terms precise ,
Three-piled hyperboles , spruce affectation ,
Figures pedantical — these summer flies
Have blown me full of maggot ostentation .
I do forswear them , and I here protest
By this white glove — how white the hand , God
knows ! —
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be expressed
In russet yeas and honest kersey noes .
And to begin : Wench , so God help me , law ,
My love to thee is sound , sans crack or flaw .
ROSALINE
Sans ‘sans ,’ I pray you .
BEROWNE
Yet I have a trick
Of the old rage . Bear with me , I am sick ;
I’ll leave it by degrees . Soft , let us see :
Write ‘Lord have mercy on us’ on those three .
They are infected ; in their hearts it lies .
They have the plague , and caught it of your eyes .
[185] ACT 5. SC. 2 These lords are visited . You are not free ,
For the Lord’s tokens on you do I see .
PRINCESS
No , they are free that gave these tokens to us .
BEROWNE
Our states are forfeit . Seek not to undo us .
ROSALINE
It is not so , for how can this be true ,
That you stand forfeit , being those that sue ?
BEROWNE
Peace , for I will not have to do with you .
ROSALINE
Nor shall not , if I do as I intend .
BEROWNE
, to King , Longaville , and Dumaine
Speak for yourselves . My wit is at an end .
KING
, to Princess
Teach us , sweet madam , for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse .
PRINCESS
The fairest is confession .
Were not you here but even now , disguised ?
KING
Madam , I was .
PRINCESS
And were you well advised ?
KING
I was , fair madam .
PRINCESS
When you then were here ,
What did you whisper in your lady’s ear ?
KING
That more than all the world I did respect her .
PRINCESS
When she shall challenge this , you will reject her .
KING
Upon mine honor , no .
PRINCESS
Peace , peace , forbear !
Your oath once broke , you force not to forswear .
KING
Despise me when I break this oath of mine .
[187]ACT 5. SC. 2
PRINCESS
I will , and therefore keep it . — Rosaline ,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear ?
ROSALINE
Madam , he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight , and did value me
Above this world , adding thereto moreover
That he would wed me or else die my lover .
PRINCESS
God give thee joy of him ! The noble lord
Most honorably doth uphold his word .
KING
What mean you , madam ? By my life , my troth ,
I never swore this lady such an oath .
ROSALINE
By heaven , you did ! And to confirm it plain ,
You gave me this . She shows a token . But take it ,
sir , again .
KING
My faith and this the Princess I did give .
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve .
PRINCESS
Pardon me , sir . This jewel did she wear .
She points to Rosaline .
And Lord Berowne , I thank him , is my dear .
To Berowne .
What , will you have me , or your pearl
again ?
She shows the token .
BEROWNE
Neither of either . I remit both twain .
I see the trick on ’t . Here was a consent ,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment ,
To dash it like a Christmas comedy .
Some carry-tale , some please-man , some slight
zany ,
Some mumble-news , some trencher-knight , some
Dick ,
[189] ACT 5. SC. 2 That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed ,
Told our intents before ; which once disclosed ,
The ladies did change favors ; and then we ,
Following the signs , wooed but the sign of she .
Now , to our perjury to add more terror ,
We are again forsworn in will and error .
Much upon this ’tis .
To Boyet .
And might not you
Forestall our sport , to make us thus untrue ?
Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’ squier ?
And laugh upon the apple of her eye ?
And stand between her back , sir , and the fire ,
Holding a trencher , jesting merrily ?
You put our page out . Go , you are allowed .
Die when you will , a smock shall be your shroud .
You leer upon me , do you ? There’s an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword .
BOYET
Full merrily
Hath this brave manage , this career been run .
BEROWNE
Lo , he is tilting straight ! Peace , I have done .
Enter Clown Costard .
Welcome , pure wit . Thou part’st a fair fray .
COSTARD
O Lord , sir , they would know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no .
BEROWNE
What , are there but three ?
COSTARD
No , sir ; but it is vara fine ,
For every one pursents three .
BEROWNE
And three times thrice
is nine .
COSTARD
Not so , sir , under correction , sir , I hope it is not so .
[191] ACT 5. SC. 2 You cannot beg us , sir , I can assure you , sir ; we
know what we know .
I hope , sir , three times thrice , sir —
BEROWNE
Is not nine ?
COSTARD
Under correction , sir , we know whereuntil it
doth amount .
BEROWNE
By Jove , I always took three threes for nine .
COSTARD
O Lord , sir , it were pity you should get your
living by reckoning , sir .
BEROWNE
How much is it ?
COSTARD
O Lord , sir , the parties themselves , the actors ,
sir , will show whereuntil it doth amount . For
mine own part , I am , as they say , but to parfect one
man in one poor man — Pompion the Great , sir .
BEROWNE
Art thou one of the Worthies ?
COSTARD
It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey
the Great . For mine own part , I know not the
degree of the Worthy , but I am to stand for him .
BEROWNE
Go bid them prepare .
COSTARD
We will turn it finely off , sir . We will take some
care .
He exits .
KING
Berowne , they will shame us . Let them not
approach .
BEROWNE
We are shame-proof , my lord ; and ’tis some policy
To have one show worse than the King’s and his
company .
KING
I say they shall not come .
PRINCESS
Nay , my good lord , let me o’errule you now .
That sport best pleases that doth least know how ,
[193] ACT 5. SC. 2 Where zeal strives to content , and the contents
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents .
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth ,
When great things laboring perish in their birth .
BEROWNE
A right description of our sport , my lord .
Enter Braggart Armado .
ARMADO
, to King
Anointed , I implore so much expense
of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace
of words .
Armado and King step aside , and
Armado gives King a paper .
PRINCESS
Doth this man serve God ?
BEROWNE
Why ask you ?
PRINCESS
He speaks not like a man of God his making .
ARMADO
, to King
That is all one , my fair sweet honey
monarch , for , I protest , the schoolmaster is exceeding
fantastical , too , too vain , too , too vain . But
we will put it , as they say , to fortuna de la guerra . — I
wish you the peace of mind , most royal
couplement !
He exits .
KING
, reading the paper
Here is like to be a good
presence of Worthies . He presents Hector of Troy ,
the swain Pompey the Great , the parish curate
Alexander , Armado’s page Hercules , the pedant
Judas Maccabaeus .
And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive ,
These four will change habits and present the other
five .
BEROWNE
There is five in the first show .
KING
You are deceived . ’Tis not so .
BEROWNE
The pedant , the braggart , the hedge
priest , the fool , and the boy .
Abate throw at novum , and the whole world again
Cannot pick out five such , take each one in his vein .
[195]ACT 5. SC. 2
KING
The ship is under sail , and here she comes amain .
Enter Costard as Pompey .
COSTARD
I Pompey am —
BEROWNE
You lie ; you are not he .
COSTARD
I Pompey am —
BOYET
With leopard’s head on knee .
BEROWNE
Well said , old mocker . I must needs be friends with
thee .
COSTARD
I Pompey am , Pompey , surnamed the Big —
DUMAINE
‘The Great .’
COSTARD
It is
‘Great ,’ sir . —
Pompey , surnamed the
Great ,
That oft in field , with targe and shield , did make my
foe to sweat .
And traveling along this coast , I here am come by
chance ,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of
France . ( He places his weapons at the feet of the Princess . )
If your Ladyship would say
‘Thanks , Pompey ,’ I
had done .
PRINCESS
Great thanks , great Pompey .
COSTARD
’Tis not so much worth , but I hope I was
perfect . I made a little fault in ‘Great .’
BEROWNE
My hat to a halfpenny , Pompey proves the
best Worthy .
Costard stands aside .
Enter Curate Nathaniel for Alexander .
NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived , I was the world’s
commander .
[197] ACT 5. SC. 2 By east , west , north , and south , I spread my
conquering might .
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander —
BOYET
Your nose says no , you are not , for it stands too
right .
BEROWNE
, to Boyet
Your nose smells ‘no’ in this , most tender-smelling
knight .
PRINCESS
The conqueror is dismayed . — Proceed , good
Alexander .
NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived , I was the world’s
commander —
BOYET
Most true ; ’tis right . You were so , Alisander .
BEROWNE
, to Costard
Pompey the Great —
COSTARD
Your servant , and Costard .
BEROWNE
Take away the conqueror . Take away
Alisander .
COSTARD
, to Nathaniel
O sir , you have overthrown
Alisander the Conqueror . You will be scraped out of
the painted cloth for this . Your lion , that holds his
polax sitting on a close-stool , will be given to Ajax .
He will be the ninth Worthy . A conqueror , and
afeard to speak ? Run away for shame , Alisander .
Nathaniel exits .
There , an ’t shall please you , a foolish mild man , an
honest man , look you , and soon dashed . He is a
marvelous good neighbor , faith , and a very good
bowler . But , for Alisander — alas , you see how ’tis —
a little o’erparted . But there are Worthies a-coming
will speak their mind in some other sort .
Enter Pedant Holofernes for Judas , and the Boy
for Hercules .
[199]ACT 5. SC. 2
PRINCESS
, to Costard
Stand aside , good Pompey .
HOLOFERNES
Great Hercules is presented by this imp ,
Whose club killed Cerberus , that three-headed canus ,
And when he was a babe , a child , a shrimp ,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus .
Quoniam he seemeth in minority ,
Ergo I come with this apology . To Boy .
Keep some state in thy exit , and vanish .
Boy steps aside .
HOLOFERNES
Judas I am —
DUMAINE
A Judas !
HOLOFERNES
Not Iscariot , sir .
Judas I am , yclept Maccabaeus .
DUMAINE
Judas Maccabaeus clipped is plain Judas .
BEROWNE
A kissing traitor . — How art thou proved
Judas ?
HOLOFERNES
Judas I am —
DUMAINE
The more shame for you , Judas .
HOLOFERNES
What mean you , sir ?
BOYET
To make Judas hang himself .
HOLOFERNES
Begin , sir , you are my elder .
BEROWNE
Well followed . Judas was hanged on an
elder .
HOLOFERNES
I will not be put out of countenance .
BEROWNE
Because thou hast no face .
HOLOFERNES
What is this ?
He points to his own face .
BOYET
A cittern-head .
DUMAINE
The head of a bodkin .
BEROWNE
A death’s face in a ring .
LONGAVILLE
The face of an old Roman coin , scarce
seen .
BOYET
The pommel of Caesar’s falchion .
[201]ACT 5. SC. 2
DUMAINE
The carved-bone face on a flask .
BEROWNE
Saint George’s half-cheek in a brooch .
DUMAINE
Ay , and in a brooch of lead .
BEROWNE
Ay , and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer .
And now forward , for we have put thee in
countenance .
HOLOFERNES
You have put me out of countenance .
BEROWNE
False . We have given thee faces .
HOLOFERNES
But you have outfaced them all .
BEROWNE
An thou wert a lion , we would do so .
BOYET
Therefore , as he is an ass , let him go . —
And so adieu , sweet Jude . Nay , why dost thou stay ?
DUMAINE
For the latter end of his name .
BEROWNE
For the ‘ass’ to the ‘Jude’ ? Give it him . — Jud-as ,
away !
HOLOFERNES
This is not generous , not gentle , not humble .
BOYET
A light for Monsieur Judas ! It grows dark ; he may
stumble .
Holofernes exits .
PRINCESS
Alas , poor Maccabaeus , how hath he been baited !
Enter Braggart Armado as Hector .
BEROWNE
Hide thy head , Achilles . Here comes Hector
in arms .
DUMAINE
Though my mocks come home by me , I will
now be merry .
KING
Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this .
BOYET
But is this Hector ?
KING
I think Hector was not so clean-timbered .
LONGAVILLE
His leg is too big for Hector’s .
DUMAINE
More calf , certain .
[203]ACT 5. SC. 2
BOYET
No , he is best endued in the small .
BEROWNE
This cannot be Hector .
DUMAINE
He’s a god or a painter , for he makes faces .
ARMADO
The armipotent Mars , of lances the almighty ,
Gave Hector a gift —
DUMAINE
A gilt nutmeg .
BEROWNE
A lemon .
LONGAVILLE
Stuck with cloves .
DUMAINE
No , cloven .
ARMADO
Peace !
The armipotent Mars , of lances the almighty ,
Gave Hector a gift , the heir of Ilion ,
A man so breathed , that certain he would fight , yea ,
From morn till night , out of his pavilion .
I am that flower —
DUMAINE
That mint .
LONGAVILLE
That columbine .
ARMADO
Sweet Lord Longaville , rein thy tongue .
LONGAVILLE
I must rather give it the rein , for it runs
against Hector .
DUMAINE
Ay , and Hector’s a greyhound .
ARMADO
The sweet warman is dead and rotten . Sweet
chucks , beat not the bones of the buried . When he
breathed , he was a man . But I will forward with my
device .
To Princess .
Sweet royalty , bestow on me
the sense of hearing .
Berowne steps forth .
PRINCESS
Speak , brave Hector . We are much delighted .
ARMADO
I do adore thy sweet Grace’s slipper .
BOYET
Loves her by the foot .
DUMAINE
He may not by the yard .
ARMADO
This Hector far surmounted Hannibal .
The party is gone —
[205]ACT 5. SC. 2
COSTARD
Fellow Hector , she is gone ; she is two
months on her way .
ARMADO
What meanest thou ?
COSTARD
Faith , unless you play the honest Troyan , the
poor wench is cast away . She’s quick ; the child
brags in her belly already . ’Tis yours .
ARMADO
Dost thou infamonize me among potentates ?
Thou shalt die !
COSTARD
Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta ,
that is quick by him , and hanged for Pompey ,
that is dead by him .
DUMAINE
Most rare Pompey !
BOYET
Renowned Pompey !
BEROWNE
Greater than ‘Great’ ! Great , great , great
Pompey . Pompey the Huge !
DUMAINE
Hector trembles .
BEROWNE
Pompey is moved . More Ates , more Ates !
Stir them on , stir them on .
DUMAINE
Hector will challenge him .
BEROWNE
Ay , if he have no more man’s blood in his
belly than will sup a flea .
ARMADO
, to Costard
By the North Pole , I do challenge
thee !
COSTARD
I will not fight with a pole like a northern
man ! I’ll slash . I’ll do it by the sword . — I bepray
you , let me borrow my arms again .
DUMAINE
Room for the incensed Worthies !
COSTARD
I’ll do it in my shirt .
He removes his doublet .
DUMAINE
Most resolute Pompey !
BOY
, to Armado
Master , let me take you a buttonhole
lower . Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the
combat ? What mean you ? You will lose your
reputation .
ARMADO
Gentlemen and soldiers , pardon me . I will
not combat in my shirt .
[207]ACT 5. SC. 2
DUMAINE
You may not deny it . Pompey hath made the
challenge .
ARMADO
Sweet bloods , I both may and will .
BEROWNE
What reason have you for ’t ?
ARMADO
The naked truth of it is , I have no shirt . I go
woolward for penance .
BOYET
True , and it was enjoined him in Rome for want
of linen ; since when , I’ll be sworn , he wore none
but a dishclout of Jaquenetta’s , and that he wears
next his heart for a favor .
Enter a Messenger , Monsieur Marcade .
MARCADE
, to Princess
God save you , madam .
PRINCESS
Welcome , Marcade ,
But that thou interruptest our merriment .
MARCADE
I am sorry , madam , for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue . The King your father —
PRINCESS
Dead , for my life .
MARCADE
Even so . My tale is told .
BEROWNE
Worthies , away ! The scene begins to cloud .
ARMADO
For mine own part , I breathe free breath . I
have seen the day of wrong through the little hole
of discretion , and I will right myself like a soldier .
Worthies exit .
KING
, to Princess
How fares your Majesty ?
PRINCESS
Boyet , prepare . I will away tonight .
KING
Madam , not so . I do beseech you stay .
PRINCESS
, to Boyet
Prepare , I say . — I thank you , gracious lords ,
For all your fair endeavors , and entreat ,
Out of a new-sad soul , that you vouchsafe
[209] ACT 5. SC. 2 In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits ,
If overboldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath ; your gentleness
Was guilty of it . Farewell , worthy lord .
A heavy heart bears not a humble tongue .
Excuse me so , coming too short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtained .
KING
The extreme parts of time extremely forms
All causes to the purpose of his speed ,
And often at his very loose decides
That which long process could not arbitrate .
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
The holy suit which fain it would convince ,
Yet since love’s argument was first on foot ,
Let not the cloud of sorrow jostle it
From what it purposed , since to wail friends lost
Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
As to rejoice at friends but newly found .
PRINCESS
I understand you not . My griefs are double .
BEROWNE
Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief ,
And by these badges understand the King :
For your fair sakes have we neglected time ,
Played foul play with our oaths . Your beauty , ladies ,
Hath much deformed us , fashioning our humors
Even to the opposèd end of our intents .
And what in us hath seemed ridiculous —
As love is full of unbefitting strains ,
All wanton as a child , skipping and vain ,
Formed by the eye and therefore , like the eye ,
Full of strange shapes , of habits , and of forms ,
Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll
[211] ACT 5. SC. 2 To every varied object in his glance ;
Which parti-coated presence of loose love
Put on by us , if , in your heavenly eyes ,
Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities ,
Those heavenly eyes , that look into these faults ,
Suggested us to make . Therefore , ladies ,
Our love being yours , the error that love makes
Is likewise yours . We to ourselves prove false
By being once false forever to be true
To those that make us both — fair ladies , you .
And even that falsehood , in itself a sin ,
Thus purifies itself and turns to grace .
PRINCESS
We have received your letters full of love ;
Your favors , the ambassadors of love ;
And in our maiden council rated them
At courtship , pleasant jest , and courtesy ,
As bombast and as lining to the time .
But more devout than this in our respects
Have we not been , and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion , like a merriment .
DUMAINE
Our letters , madam , showed much more than jest .
LONGAVILLE
So did our looks .
ROSALINE
We did not quote them so .
KING
Now , at the latest minute of the hour ,
Grant us your loves .
PRINCESS
A time , methinks , too short
To make a world-without-end bargain in .
No , no , my lord , your Grace is perjured much ,
Full of dear guiltiness , and therefore this :
If for my love — as there is no such cause —
You will do aught , this shall you do for me :
Your oath I will not trust , but go with speed
[213] ACT 5. SC. 2 To some forlorn and naked hermitage ,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world .
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about the annual reckoning .
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood ;
If frosts and fasts , hard lodging , and thin weeds
Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love ,
But that it bear this trial , and last love ;
Then , at the expiration of the year ,
Come challenge me , challenge me by these deserts ,
She takes his hand .
And by this virgin palm now kissing thine ,
I will be thine . And till that instant shut
My woeful self up in a mourning house ,
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father’s death .
If this thou do deny , let our hands part ,
Neither entitled in the other’s heart .
KING
If this , or more than this , I would deny ,
To flatter up these powers of mine with rest ,
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye !
Hence hermit , then . My heart is in thy breast .
They step aside .
DUMAINE
, to Katherine
But what to me , my love ? But what to me ?
A wife ?
KATHERINE
A beard , fair health , and honesty .
With threefold love I wish you all these three .
DUMAINE
O , shall I say ‘I thank you , gentle wife’ ?
KATHERINE
Not so , my lord . A twelvemonth and a day
I’ll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say .
[215] ACT 5. SC. 2 Come when the King doth to my lady come ;
Then , if I have much love , I’ll give you some .
DUMAINE
I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then .
KATHERINE
Yet swear not , lest you be forsworn again .
They step aside .
LONGAVILLE
What says Maria ?
MARIA
At the twelvemonth’s end
I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend .
LONGAVILLE
I’ll stay with patience , but the time is long .
MARIA
The liker you ; few taller are so young .
They step aside .
BEROWNE
, to Rosaline
Studies my lady ? Mistress , look on me .
Behold the window of my heart , mine eye ,
What humble suit attends thy answer there .
Impose some service on me for thy love .
ROSALINE
Oft have I heard of you , my Lord Berowne ,
Before I saw you ; and the world’s large tongue
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks ,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts ,
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercy of your wit .
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain ,
And therewithal to win me , if you please ,
Without the which I am not to be won ,
You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day
Visit the speechless sick , and still converse
With groaning wretches ; and your task shall be ,
With all the fierce endeavor of your wit ,
To enforce the painèd impotent to smile .
[217]ACT 5. SC. 2
BEROWNE
To move wild laughter in the throat of death ?
It cannot be , it is impossible .
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony .
ROSALINE
Why , that’s the way to choke a gibing spirit ,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools .
A jest’s prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it , never in the tongue
Of him that makes it . Then if sickly ears ,
Deafed with the clamors of their own dear groans
Will hear your idle scorns , continue then ,
And I will have you and that fault withal .
But if they will not , throw away that spirit ,
And I shall find you empty of that fault ,
Right joyful of your reformation .
BEROWNE
A twelvemonth ? Well , befall what will befall ,
I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital .
PRINCESS
, to King
Ay , sweet my lord , and so I take my leave .
KING
No , madam , we will bring you on your way .
BEROWNE
Our wooing doth not end like an old play .
Jack hath not Jill . These ladies’ courtesy
Might well have made our sport a comedy .
KING
Come , sir , it wants a twelvemonth and a day ,
And then ’twill end .
BEROWNE
That’s too long for a play .
Enter Braggart Armado .
ARMADO
Sweet Majesty , vouchsafe me —
[219]ACT 5. SC. 2
PRINCESS
Was not that Hector ?
DUMAINE
The worthy knight of Troy .
ARMADO
I will kiss thy royal finger , and take leave . I
am a votary ; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
plow for her sweet love three year . But , most
esteemed Greatness , will you hear the dialogue that
the two learned men have compiled in praise of the
owl and the cuckoo ? It should have followed in the
end of our show .
KING
Call them forth quickly . We will do so .
ARMADO
Holla ! Approach .
Enter all .
This side is
Hiems , Winter ; this
Ver , the Spring ; the
one maintained by the owl , th’ other by the cuckoo .
Ver , begin .
The Song .SPRING
When daisies pied and violets blue ,
And lady-smocks all silver-white ,
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
Do paint the meadows with delight ,
The cuckoo then on every tree
Mocks married men ; for thus sings he :
‘Cuckoo !
Cuckoo , cuckoo !’ O word of fear ,
Unpleasing to a married ear .
When shepherds pipe on oaten straws ,
And merry larks are plowmen’s clocks ;
When turtles tread , and rooks and daws ,
And maidens bleach their summer smocks ;
The cuckoo then on every tree
Mocks married men , for thus sings he :
‘Cuckoo !
[221] ACT 5. SC. 2 Cuckoo , cuckoo !’ O word of fear ,
Unpleasing to a married ear .
WINTER
When icicles hang by the wall ,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail ,
And Tom bears logs into the hall ,
And milk comes frozen home in pail ;
When blood is nipped , and ways be foul ,
Then nightly sings the staring owl
‘Tu-whit to-who .’ A merry note ,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot .
When all aloud the wind doth blow ,
And coughing drowns the parson’s saw ,
And birds sit brooding in the snow ,
And Marian’s nose looks red and raw ;
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl ,
Then nightly sings the staring owl
‘Tu-whit to-who .’ A merry note ,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot .
ARMADO
The words of Mercury are harsh after the
songs of Apollo . You that way ; we this way .
They all exit .