THE FRENCH FLOGGED, OR, THE BRITISH Sailors in America, A Farce of Two Acts, As it was performed AT THE Theatre Royal,
Covent-Garden.
LONDON: Printed for J. WILLIAMS, at No. 38, Fleet-street, 1767.
Dramatis Personae.
MEN.
INDIAN KING,
Mr. WIGNELL,
ENGLISH CAPTAIN,
Mr. DAVIES.
MACFINAN, the Irish Volunteer,
Mr. SHUTER.
BEN and
Mr. STEVENS.
NED,
Mr. VAUGHAN.
Two Sailors.
Three Frenchmen, Messenger, Dancers, and Attendants.
WOMEN.
WHITE LADY,
Miss DAWSON.
BLACK WOMAN
Miss SMITH.
THE French Flogged, &c.
SCENE I.
A sea prospect. Two sailors are discovered tumbling down the rocks; they roll into the middle of the stage; and as they meet upon the ground they stare at each other.
HOLLO, what cheer?
A vast, belay your jaw a little, until I have overhaul'd my limbs, and see that none of them are unshipped. So, so, all's right and tight.
(Feeling about his limbs.)
Ha, where are we?
Why we are somewhere; and that's some satisfaction; we are upon an island, and I hope it is inhabited; for my swimming has made me hungry; a mouthful of salt water is as good to me as a glafs of bitters. I have found my appetite, and the next thing, I hope, I shall find, will be some provision to it.
We shall find something to eat, or be eaten ourselves, I suppose; for the wild beasts of these woods, are as sharp set as we are, and keep a better look-out too.
Well, well, though we are cast away, do not let us be cast down; here's a spring of fresh water, let us take a hatful, and be merry over it; it is better being here than as we were last night, in the sea, swimming about like so many blind puppies in a horse-pond; and as to eating, it is very well we did not give the sharks a supper.
(Goes to the side of the scene, and brings water in their hats, and then
Ben
sings.
First SONG.
To the Tune,
Early one Morn,
&c.
Early and late, aloft and alow,
Seamen have hearts of gold, sir,
Peace or in war, alike we show
Englishmen stout and bold, sir.
Fighting or drinking stick to our post,
Behave as becomes our station,
Come, jolly hearts, about with my toast,
Success to the English nation.
II.
Coxcombs at home may lounge about,
Like ginger-bread dolls their rigging,
Then they are band-box'd to this lady's rout,
And that lady's gossipping jigging.
Fair weather sparks oft rule the roast,
Because they palavour in fashion,
But may such fellows be overboard tost,
Then huzza to the English nation.
(
After the Song three
Frenchmen
enter, pursued by an
English
officer, and a white lady,
Indian
dressed; the sailors trip up the
Frenchmen's
heels, and the
Indian
lady is going to shoot them with her bow and arrows, but the
English
Captain prevents her.
Patience, my pretty archer, they are prisoners.
They are villains.
I grant it fair resentment, but now they are captives, we must not insult them. I am an English officer; it is our country's character, to face the foe, but not afflict the wretched.
An please your honourableness, while you hold a council what's to be done with them, suppose Ned and I belay them to yon bamboo tree, back to back, like three skewered rabbits ready for spitting.
Secure them, lads, but hurt them not.
Exeunt sailors and Frenchmen.
No, no, we won't hurt them, but only kick and Frenchmen them a bit.
My brave deliverer, for my safety thus I thank you.
Kneels.
Let me beg you'll order your men to carry those villains to my father's court; he is an Indian, and king of this country. Be not amazed that I am of your complexion, and speak your languaget my mother came from England big with child of me, and here, upon those rocks, was the ship she was in cast away, her life, almost by a miracle, saved. After I was born, the king married her, he loved me as if I was his own child. If you are in doubt of trusting yourself with me, here will I stay, drink the clear spring wa;er with you. bring you the season fruit to feed on, dress your cave with every fine fowl's feather, make your bed with wild beasts skins, and henceforth be your handmaid.
Enter the two sailers.
An't please your noble worship's honour and glory, we have brought up the three Frenchmen to their moorings; we spliced their hands abaft, then took a round twin about their shoulders, so their faces are hauled close alongside one another, and they look just like the sign of the three logger-heads.
Come, friends, follow your captain and me, and bring these rascally Frenchmen with you.
How many more of our ship's crew have you seen?
No body, sir, an please your commodoreship, except the wild Irishman with the hard name, he's rarely sous'd, faith; he wouldn't stay to dry himself upon the rock as we did; there he tacks, see there, at the larboard side of the sugar plantation, just to leeward of us.
Bring him with you, and follow us up the savannah.
(
Ex.
Lady
and
Captain.
Opposite them
Exit
the sailors.
SCENE II.
A Wood.
Enter
Macfinin
wringing his cloaths.
Arrah faith the devil shall do himself good with me if ever I go into the water again before I have learn'd to swim; by my shoul they have made a fool of my father's son, to fill both my two ears full of fine speeches about what a fine country I should tread upon, when I put my feet into salt water; I wish I had staid in the cellar of the ship, and so indeed I wou'd, only I was afraid the captain wou'd have sail'd away without me.
Enter the two
Sailors.
Hollo, what cheer?
What cheer? why very bad cheer, by my shoul I am wet as water itself.
How did you get a-shore?
I swam upon my hands and feet across an empty small beer barrel.
Where's the barrel? I'm devilish dry, and small beer is worth drinking when strong is not to be had.
Don't I tell you it was empty, and faith so it was, for I fill'd it myself with sweet salt water, as fresh as I cou'd get it, and made a hole with my cut and thrust in the shore of the sand, and there I put all the small beer to hide it for my own drinking.
Let's bear a hand, come, after the Captain
Ah, my jewel, and remember what plunder we got, we'll all three go halves in it.
Exit all together.
SCENE III.
A Palace.
The Indian king and attendants are discovered feated. To the tune of the witches in Macbeth.
Then enter six dancers, two with war hatchets, two with small drums, two with bows and arrows. After the dance enter captain, lady, and two sailors.
Suffer, sovereign, my indulgent father, suffer me thus to bow before your throne, and by the planets which the world, the quickening sun, that like a jewel shines set in mid heaven, and the silvery moon whose beams direct our fishers to their prey, by those and all the studded stars I beg you'll grant what I request.
Speak, and 'tis thine; attend ye spirits of the woods and springs, ye rulers of the air, ye fiery beings, and ye dark demons of inferior earth, be witness to my words; by the brave souls of our great forefathers, who now reside in every green savannah, I will grant, for thy mother's sake, as well as thine, whate'er
Sachema
asks.
Give your consent; behold this warrior, say he may be mine.
White man, who are you? and from whence came ye?
In
England,
gracious king, my sovereign reigns, and by his order I was sent to check the audacious insults of his enemies, and with me two hundred of as brave Britons, as ever clapp'd match to a cannon's touch hole; but a dreadful storm defeated our best skill, we were forc'd, at the back of your island, to run our ship ashore, the rest your daughter better can relate.
As I beneath a cotton tree was sat, by a long chace fatigued, my bow unstrung, yon three lewd ruffians seiz'd upon your daughter; resistance on my side I found was vain; I begg'd, I wept; I pray'd in vain to them; to heaven I sent my shrieks, and this brave man by heaven was sent to me; he attack'd the robbers, he saved my life, and preserved me from destruction.
Thrice, thrice, thrice, thanks brave Englishman be yours, bring forth the Wampum belt, wear it brave Sir.
The belt brought on. While the belt is put on about the captain, four blacks dance round him with tabors in their hands, to the tune of
Nivelon's
Clown's Dance.
And for a farther token of our friendship with thee, we'll smoke the calumet of peace.
All sit down with their pipes.
Enter MACFININ.
Then the winged pipes are brought on, one given to the king, and one to the captain, and two small ones to the two sailors.
So I am nobody at all I suppose, but I'll be after taking my tobacco for all that; arrah mushee cushee captain, desire one of those charcoal gentlemen to be after putting a whisper upon the king, about myself; for since I find you all about to do nothing at all, I'll come and help ye, because I don't love to be idle.
A pipe is given him, he looks a little at it, and then breaks it in three pieces and puts it in his pocket.
By my should man and a cute thing it is; I'll carry it home with me, and because the custom house officers shan't seize it for being undutiful, I'll crack it in halves in three places, and then the devil a rap will I pay them for it.
Go Oran Outong, draw our troops together, and bring an hundred battoes down the creek; and you, brave Sir, shall, if you please, be captain, we'll fight beneath your standard.
Pleas'd indeed I shall be to revenge our country's cause on these encroaching French; I'm ready.
Ay, ay, and may that man among us be cut into four pound pieces, and put into the devil's pickling tub, that won't face a Frenchman, I say.
Well said Ben, amen, messmate; I have but one life to lose, but I am for making a good voyage with it. However, though it be but a short one, I wou'dn't be one of your fine save all folks, who wou'd burn out life to a snuff, and end their days in a stink.
If we succeed against these haughty
French,
my daughter, as you saved her, shall be yours.
Going.
May it please your majestyship, avast a moment, you've promised our captain that he shall have your young gentlewoman, when we have drubb'd the French monsieurs jackets. But, may I be so bold—have you ne'er a tight vessel or two for Ned and I to lay alongside of, that when our captain puts a wedding upon the stocks, we may stow in a birth by him, and so all launch for the land of matrimony together.
Do you gain glory, and I'll grant rewards. Now let resentment speed the pointed spear, twang the tough bow, and wing the whizzing shaft; and now captain cheer your honest tars, and I'll my subjects muster for the field.
Flourish, exit
King.
(Two sailors remain.)
Come my lads, remember we are
Englishmen;
methinks I see Britannia lift her head, and cast her eyes across the ocean, seeing us here, her jolly hearts, venturing to wave her English flag with glory.
And please your worship, let me give you one huzza for the honour of Old England.
SONG.
To the tune,
Long live, and chorus.
Tho' we're off many leagues, against all intrigues,
As true subjects of Britain we'll pray,
Spite of faction and France, may our standards advance,
And with conquests Old England, huzza.
II.
We were free, we're bold, we're true hearts of gold,
When our ensign the ocean could sway,
We are sons of those men, can do it again,
And again we'll Old England huzza.
III.
May our monarch king GEORGE, every foe round him scourge,
And may we boys behold that bless'd day,
Tho' in fight when we fall, with three cheers one and all
For Old England we'll dying huzza.
(
Open country,
End of scene the third.)
SCENE IV.
A Wood.
Enter
Mac
meeting the
Black Woman.
Well, if ever I put my foot upon Irish ground again, tho' it is upon the highest mountain in all Wales, stand clear Mr. Dogherty and Jemmy Condrum, see what a small piece of shelaley I'll bother them with. By my shoul they told me London was all paved with gold and silver pebble stones; and that all the women there would run after an Irishman; the Devil a woman ran after me there, only my landlady, because she thought I was going without paying my rent (well, bad luck now, the same another time. I was born to be unhappy, so I'll make myself very easy about it.) Oh! faith, here comes a fine lady, as black as ink.
Enter a
Black Woman.
Ah, faith, madam, your most humble servant, you're as handsome as a dark night.
SONG
Tune of,
Ballinamona.
But Cupid my bowels is breaking,
With love like the cholic they're aching,
Arrah, child, is it game you are making?
A buss of your black fist for me.
I'd kiss your two thumbs by St. Patrick's cross,
If I don't get you, I get a big loss,
Myself you'll be killing, no more to be said,
But I will sue you for damage when I am dead.
But Cupid, my bowels, &c.
White man, your language is not displeasing to me; do not think me bold, we Indians are above disguise, and never speak the thing that is not; but why stand you idly here, your companions are all embarked in the battoes to attack the fort, why went not you with them?
Because I forgot to put myself in mind of it; I would be getting your consent to marry you, because we may never see one another again; and I'll tell you a good joke, faith, as you're coal black, and I am coal white, you know all our children will be pye balls.
If you would wed me, you must win me.
How, my jewel, I'll play with you at backgamm for yourself.
Can you toil the lion, spear the leopard, spear the alligator, climb the rocks to get the sea bird's eggs?
The devil of any of all these can I do.
What was you bred to?
To being a gentleman.
And what do gentlemen do?
Nothing at all, faith, nor that neither.
How do they live then?
By eating and drinking.
Where do they get it?
Where it is to be had, you black toad.
What do they live upon?
Sometimes upon their estates, and sometimes upon their honour.
What is this honour like?
Like this long sword, my dear, there's honour for
Draws his sword.
you; and if you show me any man that has us'd you ill, nation to my sould but I'll give him five or six inches of it in his guts to cure him of the belly ach.
How came you to save your sword in the sea?
While I was swimming, child, I put my sword betwixt my teeth to keep the salt water out of my mouth.
Can you turn turtle? Can you fish?
I can drink like fish.
It is a custom here, that no person takes a wife before he has done something to deserve her, or can prove he has art and industry enough to maintain her. Now I do not find any of your gentlemen's qualifications can do that; you shall go this instant to do one thing to deserve me, and I'll maintain you afterwards.
Ha, ha, I'll go immediately,
Runs out, she calls him back again.
White man come back, you do do not know what it is you are going to do.
Never mind that, I'll do the thing first, and you shall tell me what it is afterwards.
Attend then; behind these lime trees in a rock cut cave, there lives the witch of the woods, she spoils our sugar canes, and tears up our tobacco plants; now, if you can steal upon her, at she lies asleep, and cut her head off, you'll do a deed our king will pay you for.
Come along, my dear, and you shall only shew me her body, and let me alone to find her head out myself; but I can't help laughing, to think, if I cut off this old witch's head when she's asleep, how foolish she'll look in the morning without it; when she wakes and misses her head, she'll be down in the mouth; for you know, child, if you was to lose your own head it must put you out of countenance.
Exeunt
together.
Enter Black Lady and Princess.
I hope my princess will not think me rude, but while our warriors are executing their enterprize, I flatter myself I have discovered something will amuse you. The sailors have left behind them a wild man, who has professed himself my lover, I have persuaded him there's an old witch, in a cave hard by, and if he can cut off her head, he is to have me, and a large plantation for this pains. With your highness's leave I'll hide in the cave the large pasteboard image you have made; and after he has in the dark cut off the head, I can make him believe she will haunt him for it.
Pray let me see this man, and while I examine him, you may prepare the image.
Exit
Black Woman.
Enter
Mac.
bowing very low.
Who are you, sir?
Any body, at your service, madam.
From whence came you, sir?
From a little potatoe estate, in the Queen's county, where all the rest of us lives; and by my shoul, my father would be glad to see you there; for he has been blind these ten years.
Have you a house there?
Faith have I, and as pretty a house as ever you set your loving eyes upon, tho' there was a little accident happened to the top of it; for it set itself on fire, and I run away by the light of it; but I have got the key of the street door in my pocket; and that is some satisfaction, you know.
How came you to take a fancy to the sea, sir?
I never did, faith, but it took such a fancy to me yesterday, that I thought it would never let me get out of it.
How came you then to go to sea?
Why I had a mind to make my fortune among the islands upon the continent; for I had read all the history books of antipathy; so I vowed to be doing something, as well as paddy Julius Caesar did; so I agreed with one captain Bowwo to carry me over sea with him; but I told him I would not stand to any damages; for if the ship sunk in the middle of the sea, before we got half over, he must get another to carry me in, or the Devil a rap I would give him for my passage.
Well, sir, pray go on.
So then I stepped head foremost into the ship; but when they set it a running, oh, I thought I should die every minute, and I got drunk with the smell of the sea water; I called out to them to stop the ship, but the Devil a word would they hear on their ears about it; so at last we could see no land, but what was quite out of sight, so I clapped my back against the great big stick that grew out of the middle of the floor of the ship, to look about me; but then the clouds turned black in the face, the waves in the water began to grow big belly'd, and the Captain swore, and the sailors cry'd, a lake, a lake, but the Devil a lake or onion either could I see; then they bothered about, and said, Run the ship ashore, Run the ship ashore; but I wanted to run myself ashore, and not the ship; and so I told the Captain, for I would be going upon dry land, I said, tho' I was up to my neck in the mud.
Enter
Black Woman.
It is time, the witch is asleep.
Good luck go with you, sir.
As to that, my jewel, whether good luck goes with me, or is after following me, never heed that; but, madam, I hope you'll be after putting yourself in mind, after I have cut off this old witch's head, that this lady shall be man and wife to me; no, I don't mean so neither, that I shall be man and wife to this lady. Devil burn me, that's not it neither; I mean that as we are, one flesh; so when the parson joins us we shall be two together.
Ex.
Lady
one way, and
Mac
and
Black Woman
another.
SCENE V.
A Cave.
Enter
Black Woman
and
Mac.
Now draw your sword, she lies with her head towards us, but be sure you don't wake her.
Not till I have cut her head off, my dear, and then if she wakes what matters it.
You must creep upon your hands and knees.
Then I should have something to put under my feet, you know, my dear, for fear I should make a noise.
In, in, in.
The
Irishman
creeps in upon his hands and knees. A shout behind the Scenes.
Enter a
Messenger.
Our princess wants you, and our monarch has ordered rewards to the English sailors.
Exit
Messen.
Re-enter
Mac
with the woman's head.
Arrah, faith, honey, and here's her skull sure enough; she was devilish light headed, upon my shoul; for it is not so heavy as a good potatoe.
Now, sir, come with me.
Stay, my jewel, let us shut up the door of the cave with a great big stone; for fear the old witch should have a mind to come out for her head again.
Do you think she can walk without her head?
Why there's nothing at all in that; there was St. Patrick's horse once lost his head at the battle of Clogher, and he galloped nine miles without it, and never would have miss'd it, only as he crossed a river he stooped down to drink, so then he found he had lost it.
Enter the
Image.
Give me my head, my head.
Devil burn me if I do, so do not bother me, be easy can't you; for if you'll believe me, you become the loss of your head as well as any woman in all Ireland.
Give me my head.
That I would with all my heart, my dear, only I want it myself, because two heads, you know, are better than one.
Come, go with me to the court, and assist at the triumph and entry the King makes.
Ah, and by my shoul, I'll be after showing this head to the King; so hear you mrs. witch, by my shoul, I don't know which to speak to, the head or the body; here one of you answer me; but if you can't, why tell me so. Stay here a little, just while I lose myself, and then, if you find me, I'll give you your own head for nothing, and mine at the same price.
Give me my head.
Exit
Mac. Black Woman, Image
follows them.
SCENE VI.
A shout behind the Scenes. Enter two sailors with a large bundle.
Avast, Ned, let's overhaul our plunder.
They open the bundle and pull out two large muffs and bag wigs, and a powder engine, two old fashioned laced shirts with ruffles sewed into the sleeves. They powder and dress themselves and put the muffs upon their legs, and then compliment one another.
Enter
Mac
pursued by the
Image,
the sailors seize the
Image.
Hollo, what's this thing without a head.
It looks like the sign of the good woman.
Give me my head.
Where does her voice come from?
Why out of her stomach you fool you, because she has been forc'd to eat her words lately.
If I had her for a wife, now wou'd our children have any brains?
There's nothing in that my jewel, for my father bought a cropt mare to breed horses without ears, but it wou'd not do.
Let's carry her to the captain.
Ah, and take me along with you, because you know as I carry her head in my fist, I can put in a word for her, as she can't speak for herself.
SCENE VII.
The Court discovered.
Enter
Indian
king, capain, lady, and attendants; the king joins the captain's hands and his daughter's.
Thus may America and England join,
And Britain with her younger sister twine,
Britannia's sailors will defend our shores,
And in return we'll ope our Indian stores.
Our planters o'er their vast savannahs smile,
Well pleas'd they labour for fair England's weal;
Each sun scorch'd Indian for Great Britain sings,
And down the Ohio banks the glorious chorus rings.
A shout behind.
Give me my head.
Enter the Irishman with the head, the image and two sailers following.
How now, what's all this?
Arrah, never seem to mind it, my jewel, it is nothing at all, not that neither, only this old witch wants her head again, and I want to sell it; and, faith, if every body that wanted a head would be after coming to me, by my shoul I should have three halves of the world for my customers.
May it please your honourableship's nobleness, our crew has no mind to come into the dock of matrimony, and for my part I don't care to sail any longer without a consort; so, if you please, I should like this gentlewoman to stow under my hatches.
By my shoul but she was after being promis'd to me.
No, sir, you are better provided for; for since you have got that lady's head, it can be no harm to you to take the rest of her body.
But I'll live single first all the days of my life, and a day afterwards; so, my jewel, I beg you'll speak to the king for to make me a gentleman of horse, or a maid of honour in the same troop.
Now, my lads, let's all rejoice,
And for our king and country raise our voice,
Let envy feeding discontented elves,
Who fancy all men blockheads but themselves,
Rail right or wrong, dispute, deny, debate,
And if they miss their pension, damn the state.
Then praise the French, French diet let them chuse,
Soup meagre, frogs, sour wine, and wooden shoes;
Such abject minds bend to the tyrant's scourge,
But let us boldly say, God bless King George.
FINIS.